Life Lessons by Goldilocks

It's a little funny that fairy tales and stories that were read to me as a little girl have been coming to mind lately. I'm not exactly sure what that means (haha), but what I would guess is that these stories come to mind because they actually have some good morals and principles rooted in them (that are not just meant for child-sized ears and lives) and are also relevant to daily happenings.

Today, through a couple of conversations that I had, I was thinking about and reminded of the extremes that we see in our culture when it comes to almost every single arena. Whether it's food, our bodies, and weight, or money, work, love, sex, success, sports, entertainment, etc.. extremes are everywhere. Whether it is an extreme diet, an extreme sport, an extreme behavior (like plastic surgery- Heidi Montag, anyone?), it seems that our culture is not only fixated on extremes but celebrates them. People are applauded and ridiculed based on their ability to conform to extremes. The media gives so much attention to extremes- whether these extremes are weight related or not. We are simultaneously fighting obesity as a nation, as well as a culture that fuels myths about eating disorders as a lifestyle choice. We are constantly made aware of great successes and great failures (which are defined and polarized by the media) and yet we don't necessarily have many positive role models that showcase what it's like to operate in a medium of balance- where both successes and failures are part of life, and where a gray area reigns, instead of the black and white. It seems to me that in a culture of extremes, one of the toughest things to achieve is balance. Outside of appearance and weight, some common questions that deal with balance include the following-- How much time do I spend working, and how much time do I spend playing? How much time should I spend with my family? How much time do I need to invest in cultivating my marriage/relationship? How much exercise is appropriate? How much time do I invest in my spiritual life? The questions can be endless and there is no sure answer for each individual. What I am sure of though is that we probably have a thing or two to learn from Goldilocks (strangely enough).

Goldilocks, for those of you who may need refreshing, broke into a cottage that belonged to three bears (probably not the part to emulate). She ate their porridge, sat in their chairs, and eventually fell asleep in one of their beds. The bears ended up returning home to find her asleep in one of their beds, and she ran out of the house, never to be seen again. Goldilocks is famous (to me, anyways) for the way in which she was a little picky, a little particular. When she tasted the bear's porridge, one bowl was too hot, and one bowl was too cold. But one was just right. The chairs and the beds were the same way-- not hot or cold, but too big, or too small, or too uncomfortable, etc. I guess the reason that she came to my mind today was because I think she is a good example of someone who was mindful of her surroundings and was able to make a decision based on what she felt was right in the moment. She may have been a little picky, but she noticed extremes and decided to operate in the gray area. While all of her options were benign and obviously not comparable to the kinds of things that I mentioned above regarding extremes, I think she is a good example of someone who is being mindful and balanced in her choices. I realize this is a bit of a stretch and may sound simplistic (it is), but I think being able to achieve balance is something that we really struggle with as a culture and as individuals.

This Goldilocks analogy does not apply to eating disorders (remember, EDs are a mental illness), but the analogy applies to the way that we view ourselves, perceptions of beauty, and life in general. So how do we work towards operating in the gray area so that we can live a life of balance? Being mindful, creating and maintaining boundaries, taking care of ourselves just as we take care of others, surrounding ourselves with kind and loving people, living out our values daily, and refuting and challenging irrational and negative thoughts/beliefs. Surely this list is not exhaustive. But I think by aiming to operate in this gray area and by finding a middle ground-- a balance, like Goldilocks did:)-- we might find that we are more content, that we feel better about ourselves, and that we become more accepting of ourselves and others. These are some of the things that give us character and ultimately make us beautiful.

To read about another children's story (the Velveteen Rabbit) and being real, follow this link.

A few days ago, I read this article on the Huffington Post by Kimberly Dennis, MD, entitled Eating Disorders: Be the First Line of Defense. I wanted to re-post it here because it includes a lot of educational and statistical information that serves to re-iterate what eating disorders are. It also helps to dispel myths about eating disorders. It seems to me that the goal of this article is to provide a little bit of education to readers to help us become more aware, and possibly apprehend when a friend, loved one, or acquaintance may be exhibiting concerning behaviors related to food. This article is certainly not exhaustive, but I think it provides some basic info that everyone should know! I have copied and pasted the article below.

Eating Disorders: Be The First Line Of Defense

While the majority of us may not work in the emergency room, or even work in the healthcare industry, we can still save lives.

In the United States, as many as 10 million women and one million men are fighting a life-and-death battle with anorexia or bulimia, according to the National Eating Disorders Association. More often than not, dentists can provide the gateway to critical medical treatment for these individuals.

By becoming aware of certain signs and symptoms, you can uncover illness that may otherwise go unnoticed - and untreated. With the right knowledge, you can save a life.

A deadly disease spreads - faster

Eating disorders are potentially deadly, biologically-based psychiatric illnesses. Anorexia nervosa has the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric illness, nearly 12 times greater than any other cause of death among women between the ages of 15 and 24.

What's more, eating disorders among young women are increasing at an alarming rate. Nationally, the incidence of bulimia in women ages 10 to 39 tripled between 1988 and 1993, and continues to grow.

Anorexia typically begins at the start of puberty and is more common among adolescent girls and young adult women. It affects one to two percent of the female population, and 0.1 to 0.2 percent of men. Because more than 90 percent of all those who are affected are adolescents and young women, the disorder has been characterized as primarily a young woman's illness. But it should also be noted that males and children as young as seven years old have been diagnosed with this illness, as well as middle-aged and elderly women.

Patients are diagnosed with anorexia when their body weight falls to 85 percent or less of their normal, healthy weight. Typically, these patients have an obsessive preoccupation with body weight and calories, as well as an intense fear of gaining weight or becoming fat. Their body image is grossly distorted, resulting in an unwarranted psychological impact on how they see and value themselves.

There are two types of anorexia nervosa: the restrictive eating type and the binge-eating/purging type. Binge eaters rapidly consume a large amount of high-calorie food in a very short time - perhaps 1,500 to 3,000 calories or more. Those who purge may do so with self-induced vomiting, excessive exercise or the misuse of laxatives, diuretics or enemas. Approximately 70 to 80 percent of people with bulimia purge by means of self-induced vomiting, while 30 percent use laxatives. Some who purge, however, do so without actually binge-eating first.

Recognizing the danger signs

The physical complications associated with anorexia are potentially life-threatening, since dehydration and malnutrition can damage vital organs. This can result in:

- low blood pressure

- electrolyte imbalance

- cardiac arrhythmias

- thyroid gland deficiencies, which can lead to cold intolerance and constipation

- appearance of fine, baby-like body hair

- bloating or edema

- decrease in white blood cells, leading to increased susceptibility to infection

- osteoporosis

- seizures related to fluid shifts due to excessive diarrhea or vomiting

- kidney damage or failure from chronic use of diuretics

Signs of an eating disorder are:

• Exhibits concern about her weight and attempts to control weight by diet, refusal of food, vomiting or laxative abuse.

• Prolonged exercising despite fatigue and weakness.

• Peculiar patterns regarding handling food.

• Exhibits abnormally fast weight loss, without any other known medical condition.

• Experiences depressive moods and self-deprecating behavior.

If you recognize these signs, fight the urge to remain silent. Remember, denial is a big part of eating disorders - another reason they can become fatal and a major obstacle to recovery. Act in a caring and non-judgmental way, simply stating what you see, and asking how you can help.

Also, you can go to the Web site of the National Eating Disorders Association (www.myneda.org) or call Timberline Knolls at 877-257-9611, and we would be happy to help find a professional in your area. That referral just might save a life.

Kimberly Dennis, M.D., is the medical director at Timberline Knolls (www.timberlineknolls.com). Located in Lemont, Ill., this innovative residential treatment center is designed exclusively for women with emotional disorders, including eating disorders, addiction and self-injury behavior. Dr. Dennis is a member of the American Medical Association, the Academy of Eating Disorders, the American Academy of Addiction Psychiatry and the American Society of Addiction Medicine.

Happy Independence Day!!

July 4th is one of my favorite holidays- I LOVE summer, fireworks, watermelon, and sunny days at the beach. I fully realize, however, that today is March 13 and we are not rapidly approaching July 4th at this point. Why do I even bring up July 4th?? Well, it is the day when we typically celebrate 'independence.' But I started thinking recently that while we celebrate independence collectively as a nation, it is not as common that we individually celebrate our personal independence from struggles or things that have held us back in the past-- or perhaps even from things that we are currently struggling with still that are holding us back. I'm not necessarily talking about making a big public declaration, or throwing a big party to celebrate your independence (if that is what you want to do though, go for it! haha). But personally acknowledging and having a fixed time set aside that exists to remind you and reflect on such a decision can provide great meaning and purpose. I have heard, as I'm sure many of you have, of people marking their days of sobriety- and that is surely a form of commemorating a momentous decision to turn from alcohol or another substance. While (like I said) I am not necessarily suggesting we release fireworks to mark our independence from something, I think that acknowledging the surrender that takes place with such a decision is important and worth remembering and reflecting on.

My intention in writing this post about independence, as weird as it might sound, is to encourage you to consider having an independence day for yourself. What exactly do I mean by this? Well, I think that we all go through things in our lives. I write a lot about body image and eating disorders, but there are certainly other struggles that exist out there as well that you may face!! Whether it is an eating disorder or body image issue, an unhealthy relationship that you find yourself struggling to get out of, an unhealthy habit that seems to control you, dependence on alcohol or an illicit substance, or something else, I think it is SO important to commemorate your decision to turn from whatever it is that is holding you back and is keeping you from being FREE so that you are able to use it as a means of pushing ahead. Of course, we don't all have a specific date or a specific time to commemorate moments like these and that is okay- because turning from an unhealthy behavior or a way of thinking can be a gradual process. The point is that having a specific date isn't necessary. What seems important (to me) is the heart behind this, which is that we are acknowledging a surrender of our will and are choosing to move forward from a certain point on. Surrender does not mean that we don't slip and sometimes fall back into old ways of thinking or acting- but surrender keeps us moving forward as we look ahead to a goal or a way of life that we strive to maintain.

Do you find that you stare at yourself in every reflection, mirror, store window, etc that you walk past, obsessively checking yourself out to make sure you look ok?? Do you feel like you need someone else (a friend, a boyfriend, a husband, a parent, your child, etc) to validate your worth?? Do you feel like you need to be a certain size or weight to be happy?? Do you feel that you need a certain food/drink/drug to feel alive or satisfied?? Are you constantly doubting yourself or being critical of yourself?? Any way of thinking or acting that keeps you from being free is a way of thinking or acting that is not only not helpful for you but serves to keep you in bondage. To start by simply acknowledging and becoming aware of such captivity is the first step. Making a decision to 'be free' is not as easy as it sounds, and requires diligence, faith and hard work!! For some of us, we need more support to experience freedom- whether that is with the help of a friend, a pastor, or a counselor, to walk through that process with.

I would encourage you to consider if anything (person, place, thing) is holding you back in your life and what may be keeping you from becoming the person you were created to be. There is no better way to live than in freedom!! Walter Conkrite said that "there is no such thing as a little freedom. Either you are all free, or you are not free." Sounds pretty obvious, right? Well, if that is the case... and if there is anything that is keeping you from being 'all free' than I would challenge you to take an action step forward- no matter how big or small.

**As an aside, I want to be clear that if you have an eating disorder, simply stating freedom from your ED does not usually make it go away-- and this is not what I am suggesting will happen if you declare a fight against your ED. An eating disorder is a mental illness, and as such, cannot just be wished away. However, your will in fighting your ED is soo important. Maybe your declaration of independence from your ED begins with pursuing professional help, or seeking the level of care that is appropriate and advised for you by a health professional. Or perhaps it means being committed to the recovery process. Whatever this action step may look like, I want to make sure that I am clear on this point! :)

Bruised Body Image??

I came across this picture today and wanted to share it- although unfortunately, I'm having trouble formatting the image so that you can see the entire quote (by Marcia Hutchinson)! Until I can fix it, it says "If you talked to your friends the way you talk to your body, you'd have no friends left." I think it speaks for itself, and I think it speaks volumes. If this quote impacts you, I would encourage you to consider how you might start thinking about your body in a way that might be more kind! Margarita Tartakovsky writes a blog on body image and eating disorders, and she wrote a great post on 'bruised' body image that I want to share with you. While I have posted the majority of it below, I would encourage you to check it out in full here. Not only does she help you to identify if you may be struggling with 'bruised' (or poor) body image, but she also provides some helpful tips for thinking more positively about your body.

Here’s a list of indicators that your image may be suffering more than usual (and ways to fix it below that):

1. You notice only negative things in the mirror, car windows, storefront windows, etc. Instead of seeing your positive physical traits, you’re more likely to be found bashing your body, and nitpicking at every nook and cranny.
2. You have a tough time taking compliments. It isn’t that you’re too polite to take a compliment; it’s that you truly believe you don’t deserve them.
3. You rarely think you look good. Even wearing a favorite outfit doesn’t help you to feel good in your skin. You rarely feel beautiful or even pretty.
4. You compare yourself to everyone. For many of us, comparisons are as natural as breathing. But, while you’re comparing your appearance to everyone else’s, you rarely have anything good to say about yourself. It’s always, “her thighs are so much slimmer than mine.” “Her waist is much smaller.” “I wish I had her body.”
5. It takes you forever to pick out an outfit — more often than not. Do you have a moment — more like many moments — where you’ve been cooped up in your room, trying on tons of clothes? You can’t see your floor, partially because it’s overflowing with clothing and mainly because your face is filled with tears. There’s nothing wrong with your clothes–it’s just that everything is wrong with your body.
6. You skip events because you don’t think you look good enough. How often have you declined an invite to a dinner date, party or other engagement because you felt too fat to leave the house?
7. You criticize your body regularly. “My stomach is gross.” “My thighs are enormous!” Do these phrases resemble your daily mantras?

And the following is a list of some pointers that she gives:

1. Think of the awesome things you can do thanks to your body,whether it’s lifting weights, walking several miles, playing with your child, playing an instrument, riding a bike, helping mom carry groceries, dancing with your significant other, achieving a tough yoga pose or simply wrapping your arms around a loved one.

2. What do you like about yourself, beyond your body? Create a list of your positive qualities and achievements, and if you need extra reminding, put the list on a note card and stash it in your purse.

3. Hang out with positive people, who appreciate and support you, who see beyond appearances to who you really are.

4. View exercise as fulfilling, not punishing. Instead of working out to eliminate calories or fit into some bikini (all things that, unfortunately, many magazines and some so-called experts recommend), choose ways to stay active that you enjoy and that make you feel strong and good about your body. There are tons of options for leading an active lifestyle: walking, hiking, biking, workout DVDs, gym membership, yoga, Pilates, dancing, tennis. There’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t like the latest workout craze. Pick something that resonates with you.

5. Worrying about your weight and body is exhausting and strips you of valuable time. Consider all the good things you miss out on because you’re too busy criticizing yourself. You overlook other opportunities, whether it’s the opportunity to self-reflect (instead of nit-picking at your thighs or waist, focus on being kinder to yourself and others), spend time with loved ones or read a good book.

Happy Monday to everyone and hope you all have a great week!! Think good thoughts about your body and what it can do for you. Be kind to yourselves!

Opportunity!!

I wanted to let you all know of a cool opportunity (media inquiry) that I have read about it in a few different places recently-- read below to find out about how you might help out a reporter writing a story on the link between mothers and daughters and body image/eating disorders.

The ad is posted below:

"I'm looking for women in their 20s and 30s (and hopefully some of their mothers) who have struggled with eating and body image. At this point I need women who struggled with these issues but didn't necessarily have clinically-defined eating disorders. So, women who have struggled with bingeing, purging, restricting, body-loathing, and feel like their attitudes are connected to their mothers behaviors and attitudes. If this is you, and you'd be willing to share, I'd really appreciate it. You can contact me at dekapp@mac.com.

Best, Diana Kapp"