Accentuate the Positive

I may or not have just spent the last ...ohhh 10 minutes googling the phrase 'Accentuate the Positive+ Disney movie' .... And apparently, I'm not the only person who has performed this google search!! It appears that a lot of other people have Asked Jeeves and ChaCha the same thing, and haven't been able to get a straight answer. I am so confused right now. Haha. Anyways, the point is that I have had this song stuck in my head for a few weeks, and the best I could come up with is this video below of Bette Midler and Bing Crosby singing this song together. It is just sooo bizarre to me because I have never heard them sing this song in my life (to my knowledge). I have no clue why, how or where this song popped into my head. I am absolutely convinced that it was played in some movie I watched when I was a kid.. the closest thing to it that I could think of was 'Bare Necessities' which was in the Jungle Book, but that is not it.  






Anyways, tangent! The purpose of me bringing this song up in the first place has to do with the power of positive thinking-- and talking. Let me clarify though because I am not really referring to the kind of positive thinking that 'The Secret'  promotes... that putting positive energy out into the universe yields positive events, etc. I'm just talking about plain old positivity. How often have you been around someone that is cheerful, positive, friendly and genuinely complimentary of people, and just felt really good after spending time being around that person? Likewise, have you ever been around someone who is negative or critical of themselves or others, and always has a negative comment about something? How does it make you feel?

Over the past few months, I have become really aware of the power and influence that people have to either build you up and make you feel good and positive (not just about yourself but about life in general), or uncomfortable, insecure, and/or self-critical. This relates to body image in that when we fat talk ["my butt is huge", "i can't believe i ate that", "i feel soo fat right now", "that person is so skinny, i'm jealous", "i'll never have the body i want", "that girl's body is perfect", etc..], we are automatically influencing and impacting the people that are around us, whether we intend it or not. While we may just be thinking of ourselves when we make such comments, we are putting others in a position to consider those same questions or concerns that are usually unhealthy and unproductive. It's okay to have a vent session sometimes, no one is perfect of course, but even if for the sake of others, consider the words that come out of your mouth! I think it is awesome that we can use our words to build people up. Pointing out the positive things in any given situation, voicing good traits about people instead of annoying ones :-), noticing beauty of all kinds, being able to appreciate it and include others in it... These are all ways that one person can make a difference. Try it!

On 'Health'

In going along with my new theme of 'compassion' (see this post for more), I really really want to address the comments that Rush Limbaugh made on Monday about Michelle Obama. I just heard about this-- and am thankful for an opportunity to work on being compassionate:-). For those of you who haven't heard (I almost hate to tell you), but on his radio show on February 21st, Limbaugh made some pretty inflammatory comments about the First Lady. As you may know, she has worked very hard on initiating a campaign to fight childhood obesity. There have certainly been mixed feelings from the eating disorder community concerning her approach, but nonetheless, she ended up adding eating disorders under the campaign's umbrella and is (hopefully) working to address eating disorders as well.

Anyways, from what I understand, Michelle O. was vacationing at a ski resort recently with her family, and it was made known that she enjoyed a nice dinner while she was there, which included ribs. Limbaugh's comments: "The problem is, and dare I say this, it doesn't look like Michelle Obama follows her own nutritionary, dietary advice. We hear that she's out eating ribs at XXXX calories a serving with XXX grams of fat per serving. I'm trying to say that our First Lady does not project the image of women that you might see on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue or of a woman Alex Rodriguez might date every six months or what have you." He went on to say, "She's a hypocrite. Leaders are supposed to be leaders. If we're supposed to eat roots and berries and tree bark, show us how." Yikes!!!

While I am really sad that he made these comments, and would like to respond with some choice words, I think this is a great opportunity to address an important issue! Perhaps this whole exchange once again highlights the fact that we really struggle with extremes in our society. Black and white thinking, the 'diet mentality' .... call it what you want. But seriously-- who decided that you can't be healthy and eat ribs at dinner when you're on vacation (or not on vacation)? Being truly healthy requires moderation and balance. Simply eating "roots, berries and tree bark" would be just as much of a problem as if we all ate ribs for every meal.

Another thing I want to challenge is the assumption that looking like a swimsuit model is the picture of health. I could be wrong here, but it sounds like Limbaugh is saying that Mrs. Obama should look like a model. You cannot tell how healthy someone is simply by looking at them. Of course in extreme cases, yes- you can see with your eyes when someone might be ill (very underweight or very overweight). But people who may look fit, toned or 'in shape', thin, those who look average and healthy, ... they may have heart problems, blood pressure problems, bone density issues, etc due to unhealthy behaviors (diet pills, over exercise, steroids, purging, etc)... You never know how someone is treating their body and you never really know how healthy someone is just by looking at them. To infer that Michelle Obama needs to look like a swimsuit model in order to prove that she is following her own dietary advice is almost kind of funny because it is just so not true. The suggestion that swimsuit models or girls that A-Rod dates are the barometer of health is, in my opinion, one of the reasons why women in our culture struggle so much with knowing what it is to be truly healthy, not to mention why they have a tough time believing that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. Most people (95% of the population in fact) could be healthy, balanced eaters and no matter what, will not ever have bodies that look like models. 5% of the population has a body type in nature that resembles that of a model.  And then there is airbrushing...  many of the models and images that we see are not even real. The point is- we aren't all made the same and we all have different body types, bone structures, etc. It is irresponsible to perpetuate the myth that 'health' looks one way, but it is also irresponsible for us to buy into it.

This post is getting lengthy- so I will conclude by encouraging you to think about what true health is and where you came up with your beliefs about what it is to be healthy. 'Health' is a loaded word. Limbaugh's assertions about health are clearly skewed, but remind all of us that we need to take a step back and consider what true health really looks like. Are extremes a measure of health?? How do you know if you are being truly balanced in your approach with food? These are important questions to consider.

Body Image Role Models...

There have been a lot of articles, blog posts, etc. circulating this week on behalf of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week (NEDAw). I read one in particular today that I wanted to share. It is awesome. Dara Chadwick, an author and blogger ("You'd Be So Pretty If...") often writes about her experiences navigating through body image issues as the mother of a small daughter. In her post, she was addressing the issue about whether or not mothers can be body image role models for their daughters if they have body hang-ups of their own. The cool thing about her post is that having children or daughters does not make this post any more or less relevant. I think this is an important question for all of us!! How do we model positive body image to friends, family members, etc, if we sometimes have those days when we don't exactly feel so hot?? What does it mean to have a healthy body image? I love this post. Check it out below-


This past week, I did a reading and body image talk at a local library. I love talking to small gatherings because they often turn into interesting and thought-provoking discussions, and I adore the energy of a great exchange of ideas.

During our discussion, one participant -- who runs a program for teen girls through an area women's resource center -- mentioned that she often struggles with talking to "her girls" about body image because she herself doesn't always feel good about her body. It's a question I hear from moms time and again (and one that inspired the subtitle of You'd Be So Pretty If...) -- how can I raise a daughter who feels good about her body when I don't feel good about my own?

I understand that feeling. Believe me, on days when I look in the mirror and find myself displeased with the image that greets me, I feel like a hypocrite. What kind of body image role model am I if I can't accept myself as I am, always?

But as I thought more about that very question, I came to this conclusion: I'm a good body image role model. To borrow a theme from Oprah, what I know for sure from all my thinking, writing and talking about body image is that perfection doesn't exist, including being the perfect role model. There's no finish line in the body image race -- no point at which we can say, "That's it. I'm done." Self-acceptance is a process, and the reality is that we'll be better at it on some days than others.

Here's what I can say with clarity: Awareness is key. Being aware of -- and owning -- the ways that we disparage, belittle, sabotage and beat up on ourselves is the first step in building a healthier body image. Negative thoughts might creep in from time to time, but I can stop, acknowledge them and re-direct my thinking. In doing so, I build my capacity for breaking the cycle of negative thinking and for re-framing my thoughts in a more positive way. And, in time, positive thinking builds on itself and changes the way we see and talk about ourselves.

Making that choice every day, and teaching others that they can make a similar choice, is at the heart of being a good body image role model.

So, no, you don't have to never have a negative thought or love everything about the way you look to set a great example. You just have to be willing to challenge what you think you see.

Here's to all the body image role models out there.

In other news, I am looking forward to hearing my friend and colleague Ellen Morrison speak tonight at Meredith College on "How to Help Others With Eating Disorders." If you are in Raleigh, come on out- she is speaking at 7pm in Ledford Hall (it's free!) to raise awareness about eating disorders in honor of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week (NEDAw). 

What Will You Gain This Year??

On my way to work the other day, I heard a radio advertisement that started out with a woman saying something like- "This year, I don't want to lose weight." That got my attention pretty fast!! ... You don't hear that very often, especially around this time of the year! Out of curiosity I kept listening and the ad continued on, while the actress re-stated the same objective (not wanting to lose weight)-- just in different ways. Then she said, "This year, I will gain ten fingers, and ten toes." I was a little taken aback by that, but once I realized that this was an ad for a local fertility/reproductive center at a local hospital I laughed and understood!! I think what I liked about this ad was that it focused not on losing something about ourselves in the New Year but on gaining or adding something to ourselves in the New Year. And I don't mean weight!! 

I think at this time of the year ("diet season") when it's so easy to get caught up in the latest diet fads, celebrity 'diet tricks and secrets', resolutions to drop X number of pounds...  it's helpful to consider instead what we might GAIN in this new year. Now, again... I am not talking about weight in all of this. :) What I am talking about is what we might add to our lives, what we might gain in experiences, perspective, knowledge, faith, love, etc.. Consider 2011 as an opportunity to grow, to do new things, to add meaning to your life in new ways. Rather than having resolutions or goals that reinforce unhealthy beliefs or behaviors, think about putting your energy into positive things that will enrich your life and will enable you to pursue your dreams and aspirations. Growing in health might certainly be one of those goals, and that is fantastic. Remember above all what it means to be healthy!! Health is more than just a physical state, it is a mental, emotional, and spiritual state as well. Be mindful and aware of your goals and how you approach them- Are your goals adding something beneficial to your life? Are you growing in knowledge of yourself and others?  Do you have any accountability or support in your life to help you pursue your goals and dreams? Maybe those are some questions for us all to think about as we move towards our goals this year... ! Happy 2011 everyone! : )

Giving Thanks for 2010

While I'm not so much into New Years Resolutions, I am definitely into the excitement of new beginnings and fresh starts... as well as the hope that accompanies a New Year.. hope for the exciting, challenging, life-giving experiences and events that are to come. At this time of the year, I think we can get so caught up in making goals for the new year (in addition to thinking about the goals that we maybe didn't reach or achieve from this past year)... that I think sometimes we forget to look back and consider all of the things that we have experienced and learned. In this spirit of remembrance and gratitude (and nostalgia!!), I wanted to take a minute to give thanks for a few meaningful things and experiences that occurred in my life this last year. And I would encourage you to do the same as you look both behind and ahead!!

My Office, North Raleigh !!

I am so thankful for the opportunity to do what I LOVE (therapy!), to have an office that I love (that's my office on the left!), and to share office space with a friend I love. As if that weren't enough, a new Whole Foods is opening in just a month right across the street from my office.. I sure have a lot to be thankful for :). 


Of course, it doesn't mean that the transition into having my own practice this year has been without its bumps, but I have SO enjoyed being out on my own, I have learned so much professionally and personally, and truly could not be happier. Sometimes big changes can be daunting... Ray Bradbury's quote about courage often comes to mind.. that sometimes when you leap off a cliff you have to learn to build your wings on the way down. I am so thankful for the opportunity that I have had to build my wings these last few years and for the awesome people in my life who have helped me to develop these wings so that I could float and fly this year when I needed to...

I am also so encouraged and energized by the people that I work with each day, and learn so much about life and the human condition from each person that I meet. I am thankful that people let me into their lives and are willing to share their hearts, their struggles and their fears, including those of you who read my blog. Thanks for reading, and thanks for sharing your thoughts with me as well. 

I have to say that I am also thankful for new experiences that I have had this year, visiting and seeing new places, 'making new friends and keeping the old', and for all of the chances I have had to grow, change, learn and love. I am excited to see what 2011 brings. I am confident that this next year will usher in both challenges and opportunities, both of which I look forward to...  

I took this picture while I was sailing in Maui in July... !