On Asking For Help-- And A Horse Named Dude

Last week, I took a little road trip to Virginia where I attended an onsite visit at Remuda Ranch. Remuda is a residential treatment facility for girls and women with eating disorders- they just recently updated their website, and it's worth checking out (follow this link to view it!). Anyways, while I knew quite a bit about Remuda Ranch before visiting, I was really impressed with the quality of care that they provide to patients. I was also impressed with the commitment and value placed on spiritual healing as well! Remuda's treatment program is centered around a Christian approach, however, girls and women of all faiths are respected and welcome and can decide how little or how much they want to participate and interact with the faith piece.

Anyways, Remuda really is a ranch- it's not just called that:-). There is a full service barn complete with horses. No cell phone service, no Starbucks, and nothing but dirt roads and beautiful scenery. Among the therapeutic activities used with patients is equine therapy, which uses experiences and interactions with horses to teach the patients things about themselves, facilitating insight and growth. I was a little skeptical before I really knew anything about it, but after learning more and seeing different demonstrations, it is amazing how much you can learn about yourself from a horse!

I volunteered to help out with an activity and got to meet Dude, an Arabian horse:-). My task was to get him over a jumping bar without touching him. Last time I checked, I wasn't a horse trainer-- and I had NO idea how to make this happen. Once I was in the ring with Dude, I secretly regretted volunteering because I was feeling a little in over my head!! After several frustrating minutes of Dude eating dirt and ignoring my commands to jump over the bar, I finally asked Dave, the man in charge, if he had any suggestions! He didn't (of course), but some of the other therapists that were watching were able to give me some ideas. They told me to take the bar off of the jumping post, and lay it on the ground and have Dude walk over the bar. After much coaxing and guiding him from behind, Dude finally stepped over the bar!!

After processing what happened with Dude (I love that the horse's name is Dude, by the way), Dave mentioned that this particular activity can be useful in illustrating how important it is to ask for help!! He said that he will watch people struggling with an activity like this, not knowing what to do, and watching them get frustrated (like me!), and angry- and yet they don't ask for help. Or, if they do, they wait a really long time before asking. You might see how this applies to eating disorder recovery, and even more so, life!! We were not created to be alone, to have no support or community in our lives. And yet sometimes our pride or life circumstances keep us from reaching out and asking for help! Sometimes admitting we need help and are unable to do things on our own can be a huge step forward... and what a relief to know that we don't have to carry a burden all on our own! Sometimes we don't ask for help because we're not even sure of what we need! But just being able to share a burden with a friend, family member or loved one can be a way of reaching out for help and support.

More on The Biggest Loser...

Back in April, I wrote about The Biggest Loser. Actually, I didn't really write about it so much as just post a link to a great article about it that someone else wrote! Follow this link to check out the post and article. Or if you didn't read that post (or the article) and don't feel like doing it now, I'll try to provide a quick re-cap : ).

First, I know that there are a lot of people who love watching this show (including some of my friends and family- hi guys!). This critique is not meant to encourage anyone to stop watching the show, but more so just to encourage critical thinking about what really is going on and if it is healthy! I watch a little TV that is regularly critiqued for many reasons (the bachelorette, for one- haha), so believe me, I am not throwing stones. But my overall thoughts on the show can be summarized by saying that the show seems to perpetuate some pretty unhealthy views regarding weight, body image, health, and happiness, as well as unhealthy, immoderate and unsustainable practices (exercising up to 6 hours a day?). The only reason that I bring this whole thing up again is because an article was published a few days ago by Kate Ward on Entertainment Weekly.com entitled "Former 'Biggest Loser' Contestant Claims Show is 'Dangerous'; NBC Issues Response." In light of my post a few months back, I thought that this article was an interesting follow up. Check out this link to view the article, or read the copy and pasted version for your convenience below! If you all have any thoughts or comments about this, I would love to hear them (as always)!

About twice a year, we tune into the latest season of The Biggest Loser and watch in admiration and awe as a dozen or so contestants quickly shed pound after pound from their bodies, until they’re left looking like healthy, happy individuals. But, if former contestant Kai Hibbard is to be believed, oftentimesBiggest Loser graduates are anything but.

The season 3 contestant — who lost 118 pounds on the show — appeared on CBS’ The Early Show this morning to discuss her claim that the NBC show is hurting its contestants, and promoting an unhealthy body image. (See the video embedded after the jump.) Beginning her interview by voicing appreciation for being part of something that has inspired people to lose weight, Hibbard went on to accuse Biggest Loser of supporting a “myth that’s dangerous,” and claims the show stretches the truth when it comes to its shooting schedule: “I have people that come up to me and talk to me and ask me why they can’t lose 12 pounds in a week when I did. It didn’t happen. It’s TV…a week is not a week in TV.” (Hibbard also discussed dehydration, which is used to affect the outcome on the scales, something Biggest Loser fans are already fairly knowledgeable about.)

The former contestant also went on to explain how Biggest Loser affected her own health:Hibbard says she suffered from an eating disorder after shooting wrapped, which only ended after her husband and friends staged an intervention when they saw her substitute coffee for meals, and began to notice her hair falling out. “I left with a very poor mental body image,” she said on the Early Show. “I found myself loathing what I looked like the more weight that I dropped because of the pressure on me.” What’s more, Hibbard claims at least six former contestants from seasons after hers have approached her to complain about their own unhealthy experiences.

When asked to comment, NBC issued the following statement to EW: “Contestants on The Biggest Loser are closely monitored and medically supervised. The consistent health transformations of over 200 contestants through nine seasons of the program speak for themselves.” Of course, Biggest Loser is not new to controversy — nearly every season, the show comes under fire from viewers and health professionals alleging the show’s lose-weight-fast format is unhealthy for its cast members, especially since the show seems intent on adding bigger and bigger cast members with each new season. (Just see the latest Biggest Loser winner, Mike Ventrella, the heaviest contestant to ever enter the ranch.) But now that a former contestant is alleging the show is dangerous, is it easier to believe?

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

While I was browsing People.com for my daily dose of celebrity gossip this morning, I happened to see that Jennifer Love Hewitt was featured alongside a big headline that read, "Jennifer Love Hewitt Advises Girls to 'Love the Way You Look.' Coincidentally, she was pictured in a white bikini, showing off her body that has significantly shrunk in recent days/months/years. Does anyone remember when she was photographed back in 2007 in a bikini and was publicly ridiculed for the way that she looked in the pictures?? She was raked over the coals for the shape of her body, and I remember reading about how she started dieting and working out to lose some of the weight after that happened. Here is a brief excerpt from an article written shortly after that time:

Late last year (2007) the blogosphere got pretty mean about actress Jennifer Love Hewitt looking a little heavier than normal. At the time she said she was a size 2 and that she wasn’t fat, but she mostly worried about how the attention would affect image-conscious girls who saw the media calling her fat. While she says the two aren’t connected, she’s lost 18 pounds in the last four months with the help of trainer Stevie Sant’Angelo.

Hmmm. It seems odd to me that those two things were not connected. But either way, I find it all the more ironic that she is doling out such advice to young women to love the way their bodies look, since her way of loving her body was to change hers! Jennifer Love Hypocrite?

While I cannot even begin to imagine the kind of pressure a female in Hollywood must face to conform to unrealistic standards of beauty, I also do not think that this justifies hypocrisy. If she loved what she looked like so much, why did she feel the need to change? She is sending such an unfortunate message to young women because while she is saying, "When I meet young girls, I'm always like, 'Just do me one favor, love what you look like right now – and remember I said it 10 years from now because it's the greatest gift I can give", her actions are telling a very different story. This quote was taken from the People.com article, which you can read by following this link. A few lines down, she says that she was so embarrassed by the pictures of her body taken in 2007 that she gave up eating 'her beloved donuts' and started fitting in workouts to her schedule so that she could 'get healthier.'

I am all for being healthy. Trust me. But it just seems like she is sending a very mixed message! And I think we are all too often inundated with mixed messages from the media, to the point that we fail to see things as they really are. It's helpful to expose mixed messages when we see them, and I would encourage you all to be mindful of what you see and hear! When it comes to the media, what you see is not what you get.

I guess I just feel bad for Jennifer Love Hewitt because I feel like she is really the one who is losing here. You never win when you have to change your outer appearance in order to love yourself and be happy. Yes, sometimes we do have to make changes so that we can become more healthy, but happiness and love are not dependent on or defined by how we look in a bikini, or how good we look in pictures. Happiness, love and beauty really do come from the inside out- not by losing 18 pounds in 4 months.

Michelle Obama and Jessica Simpson?

This has been such a busy week for me and I haven't had a lot of extra time to blog! But I do have some posts I am working on that I'm looking forward to sharing soon. In the meantime, I'd like to share an opinion piece that I read last week because I think it was spot on when it comes to the Goldilocks syndrome I wrote about a few weeks ago (read about that here!). I don't know why, but I'm always pleasantly surprised to read such thought provoking pieces about body image and weight on the Huffington Post. The HP recently added a 'body image' page to their site, which highlights stories about weight, eating disorders, body image and all things related- very cool. Anyways, below is the article I mentioned above, by Charlotte Hilton Andersen. Hope that you enjoy this piece and that it challenges you to examine where you can find middle ground in your life!

You know it's a weird month in celeb-land when Good Housekeeping cover girl, Michelle Obama,is photoshopped within an inch of her life and Marie Claire cover girl, Jessica Simpson, is not only un-airbrushed, but also sans makeup.

Both women are known for their beauty (oh, and by the way, Ms. Obama might also be married to the President of the United States, or something) and have been targets of intense media scrutiny regarding their looks. So it is fitting that each in her own way -- and you can't possibly be more surprised than I am that I'm putting Michelle Obama and Jessica Simpson into the same category -- is on a current campaign to reshape global attitudes about our bodies.

Ms. Obama has made headlines recently for departing from previous First Ladies' safe platforms and tackling the touchy subject of childhood obesity. After launching a nationwide initiative to "end childhood obesity in one generation" she reinforced her point by revamping the traditional Easter celebration at the White House. This past weekend she removed all candy from the candy-infested holiday and instead treated children to exercise stations hosted by Olympic athletes, hand-washing stations and the inexplicably named "pre-screened" fruit in their goody bags.

Strangely, the same media that laments the obesity crisis on a daily basis lambasted the First Lady for "stealing Easter." The Easter Bunny notes that he is "not threatened" by Ms. Obama, although he thinks some of the Olympians might have been looking at him funny.

Also making mixed headlines, Ms. Simpson has been traveling the world for her new reality show "The Price of Beauty" showing what women in other cultures perceive as beautiful and the means they use to achieve it. This week's episode had the girls and their hairstylist visiting Uganda to watch women being fattened in the name of beauty. This ritual, which to my Western eyes seems every bit as eating disordered as anorexia or bulimia, highlights an important point: not everyone thinks thin is as in as we do. In fact, adiposity is adorable in some cultures.

Somewhere in these extreme messages, there is a middle ground. Catwalk thinness and obesity are both undesirable from a health perspective. And neither should be a moral statement about the person possessing said body. Now, if only we didn't have to photoshop our already-gorgeous First Lady or take contrived pictures of the already-gorgeous Jessica Simpson to prove it.

To view the article as it was published on the HP, follow this link.

Life Lessons by Goldilocks

It's a little funny that fairy tales and stories that were read to me as a little girl have been coming to mind lately. I'm not exactly sure what that means (haha), but what I would guess is that these stories come to mind because they actually have some good morals and principles rooted in them (that are not just meant for child-sized ears and lives) and are also relevant to daily happenings.

Today, through a couple of conversations that I had, I was thinking about and reminded of the extremes that we see in our culture when it comes to almost every single arena. Whether it's food, our bodies, and weight, or money, work, love, sex, success, sports, entertainment, etc.. extremes are everywhere. Whether it is an extreme diet, an extreme sport, an extreme behavior (like plastic surgery- Heidi Montag, anyone?), it seems that our culture is not only fixated on extremes but celebrates them. People are applauded and ridiculed based on their ability to conform to extremes. The media gives so much attention to extremes- whether these extremes are weight related or not. We are simultaneously fighting obesity as a nation, as well as a culture that fuels myths about eating disorders as a lifestyle choice. We are constantly made aware of great successes and great failures (which are defined and polarized by the media) and yet we don't necessarily have many positive role models that showcase what it's like to operate in a medium of balance- where both successes and failures are part of life, and where a gray area reigns, instead of the black and white. It seems to me that in a culture of extremes, one of the toughest things to achieve is balance. Outside of appearance and weight, some common questions that deal with balance include the following-- How much time do I spend working, and how much time do I spend playing? How much time should I spend with my family? How much time do I need to invest in cultivating my marriage/relationship? How much exercise is appropriate? How much time do I invest in my spiritual life? The questions can be endless and there is no sure answer for each individual. What I am sure of though is that we probably have a thing or two to learn from Goldilocks (strangely enough).

Goldilocks, for those of you who may need refreshing, broke into a cottage that belonged to three bears (probably not the part to emulate). She ate their porridge, sat in their chairs, and eventually fell asleep in one of their beds. The bears ended up returning home to find her asleep in one of their beds, and she ran out of the house, never to be seen again. Goldilocks is famous (to me, anyways) for the way in which she was a little picky, a little particular. When she tasted the bear's porridge, one bowl was too hot, and one bowl was too cold. But one was just right. The chairs and the beds were the same way-- not hot or cold, but too big, or too small, or too uncomfortable, etc. I guess the reason that she came to my mind today was because I think she is a good example of someone who was mindful of her surroundings and was able to make a decision based on what she felt was right in the moment. She may have been a little picky, but she noticed extremes and decided to operate in the gray area. While all of her options were benign and obviously not comparable to the kinds of things that I mentioned above regarding extremes, I think she is a good example of someone who is being mindful and balanced in her choices. I realize this is a bit of a stretch and may sound simplistic (it is), but I think being able to achieve balance is something that we really struggle with as a culture and as individuals.

This Goldilocks analogy does not apply to eating disorders (remember, EDs are a mental illness), but the analogy applies to the way that we view ourselves, perceptions of beauty, and life in general. So how do we work towards operating in the gray area so that we can live a life of balance? Being mindful, creating and maintaining boundaries, taking care of ourselves just as we take care of others, surrounding ourselves with kind and loving people, living out our values daily, and refuting and challenging irrational and negative thoughts/beliefs. Surely this list is not exhaustive. But I think by aiming to operate in this gray area and by finding a middle ground-- a balance, like Goldilocks did:)-- we might find that we are more content, that we feel better about ourselves, and that we become more accepting of ourselves and others. These are some of the things that give us character and ultimately make us beautiful.

To read about another children's story (the Velveteen Rabbit) and being real, follow this link.