The Monument of Our Hearts

In her book Do You Think I'm Beautiful, Angela Thomas makes a powerful statement: "You were made to be seen and known and loved deeply. And it's okay to want what you were made for." I love this. I think it speaks to the innate desire that we all have to be beautiful! I have been thinking a lot about beauty lately, and what it means to be beautiful (and loved... and accepted... as my last few posts probably attest). I have noticed lately that both professionally (with clients) and personally (with friends/family) that this is a topic that has not just been on my mind. Statistics would also support that.

According to statistics put out in August 2008 by the YWCA, the amount of cosmetic procedures (both surgical and non-surgical) has increased by 500%. The numbers are pretty staggering: 11.7 million cosmetic procedures were performed in 2007. While the media is not 100% to blame, the media does have a HUGE impact on the way that beauty is perceived and defined. For example, one study done by the YWCA found that after watching only 30 minutes of TV, a young woman can be impacted by the way that she perceives her body and her appearance as she compares herself to the 'ideal' she sees on TV. Thirty minutes! That is astounding. While these statistics are probably more sad than shocking, the question that I keep asking is- what can we do and where do we even start?? How do we begin to attempt to deal with the beauty crisis that we are facing? (And by beauty crisis, I mean the pervasive belief that beauty looks one way, which inspires the persistent quest to achieve this ideal..)

While I have not come up with an answer to this million dollar question (i'm still working on it! ha ha), I did stumble across an awesome clothing company recently called The Monument of our Hearts (TMOOH) that is pursuing and impacting change in this arena. The mission of their clothing company is to 'design apparel that creates conversations and empowers people to feel beautiful.' How cool is that? I had an opportunity to speak with founders Brett Clouser and Courtney Schreiber, and would love to share with you a little bit about what they are doing to promote positive body image and awareness in an industry that is obsessed with 'beauty' at any cost.

Me: I noticed on your website that you all are pursuing a goal of expanding the definition of beauty [so cool] and that you want to create more positive advocates for body image. What sparked your interest in creating clothes to inspire body confidence and positive body image?

Courtney: I had friends in high school that were concerned with body image, but it wasn't an issue for me until I went to college. When I went to Pepperdine-after growing up in New York- I was surrounded by people consumed by body image on a different level. I fell into that myself, and let body image related stuff consume my thoughts in college. My own experience led me to become passionate about helping others to find confidence, and to help figure out what is healthy for each person. My own confidence was affected- eating disorders and negative body image lead to low self-esteem. I want to encourage people to find confidence, to know that they are not alone. I want to help people begin the conversations about what a healthy body image could look like.

Brett: I went to college with Courtney. And I come from a lifestyle that wasn't as focused on appearance. In high school, we all care about our image, but people in my high school wore sweatpants. Going to school in Malibu was different- the general pursuit of image issues and the pursuit of ideals that were unattainable and superficial in their manner- that was the spark to the flame for me.

There were two specific incidences though that really impacted me. I was in a literature class with a driven, type A girl who would sit up near the front of the class. She was physically very frail and unhealthy looking. Over the course of the term, I noticed that she would have different supermodels on the backdrop image of her laptop. Supermodels that were extremely skinny and clearly at an unhealthy weight. This was this girl's ideal. I didn't have excessive interactions with her, but could see how these ideals could negatively impact her.

Another friend of mine had suffered from an eating disorder- not while I was friends with her; that was before we met. But I was able to see the psychological effects that the eating disorder had on her, and the convoluted idea of what she thought was beautiful. To see the pursuit of such ideals and how they affected human beings across all different levels was significant to me in that life was not being lived to the fullest.

The psychological impact of eating disorders and body image issues, and seeing people pursue unhealthy ideals is what led to designs being created for this company.

Me: What is it like to be part of an industry that promotes such different values than your vision? Have you all had to intersect with this at all?

Courtney: On a small scale, there have been comments about sizes of shirts offered, or the types of models that we use. We have to be strategic in how to promote the clothes. This is a great reminder to be thoughtful about what we put on our site and the messages that we communicate. Because of our goals and our mission, people are looking to us to set a standard.

Brett: Buyers for retail distribution channels are concerned with branding. A brand of stores is developed as a collaboration of all of the brands that are represented. So for example, if one brand is anti-fur, and they happen to sell a product with animal skin, there is an inconsistency. You have to be consistent. We haven't pushed our line into the marketplace yet. We want to navigate the waters differently and act in a way that is consistent with our goals and mission as a company.

Me: Your website is such a great resource, as it provides a community of sorts for people to engage in conversation about your clothing and other issues related to beauty and body image (which is part of your mission!). I love the section of your site that allows people to share how they have been impacted by your clothing- can you share any anecdotes or stories that stand out to you?

Courtney: It is unbelievable to read things that people submit, especially considering the fact that when others respond and comment they are anonymous and don't know each other. It's not one person's story that stands out to me, but all of the comments and responses that these stories elicit. I read Luke's story and others were inspired to send in their own stories because of what he shared. Another example is Amanda's story. People responded to her story, leaving comments to encourage her, which ultimately led to her posting again on her own story to share how she had been inspired. [follow this link to read Amanda's story]

After speaking with Brett and Courtney, I am an even bigger fan of their company. Their tees and sweat-shirts are great- check them out here: http://www.tmooh.com/wear-it/. A portion of the proceeds are donated to non-profit organizations that work to promote healthy body image, treat eating disorders, and educate people about real beauty! I would encourage everyone to check out their site- follow this link for more information about TMOOH. More importantly, in solidarity with their mission, I would encourage you all to start talking about beauty. Start engaging in conversations about what you see in the media, and what you believe is beautiful. I think we all long to be beautiful, and to be able to view beauty as more than appearance, as more than our bodies, and as more than our size or shape is a great start!

Saying No to Labels

After the Golden Globes last week, the New York Times fashion blog 'The Moment' called out (by name) certain actresses who appeared to be 'rounder.' The title of the article was Now Scrutinizing--A Rounder Golden Globes... how gross! While there are a million things that I want to say about that, in the interest of time, I will focus and try to be brief! The irony in such an article, of course, lies in the fact that all of the actresses named have been criticized at one time or another for being too thin. Mixed messages much? : )

Courtney Cox happened to be one of the women that was singled out for looking 'rounder' and her husband, David Arquette, publicly responded yesterday to the ridiculous comments that were made. Here is what he had to say-

"Writing articles about people that put on weight is just wasting space for real news," he told Fox News' Pop Tarts. "And who really cares? I love round people, I love skinny people. I love people in general; we've got to get past labels and stop being so critical about everything."

Well said. I love how he chose to respond. How is it that in a world where some really serious things are going on (think Haiti, healthcare issues, Afghanistan, ...) that any news publication is writing about actresses' weight fluctuations? That is just such an indicting commentary on what the majority of our culture values. While this article was in fact written on a blog, it is still associated with the New York Times.

Maybe even more noteworthy though is what Arquette said about labels. We really do have to get past labels, and our obsession with labeling ourselves and others. When you think about the people in your life that you care about, that you love, the people that have had the greatest impact upon you... you cannot sum them up in a label, nor would you want to. If we were to do that, we would miss out on SO much! When we find that we are tempted to view others or ourselves as a label and judge accordingly, maybe we can step back for a minute and ask what purpose this behavior is serving, and if it is helpful. To label anyone (including ourselves) does a great disservice to all. Our hearts cannot be labeled. We are so much more than our height, our hair color, our weight, our shoe size, ... so let's be sure to focus on the depth that makes us each unique and beautiful.

Figure Skating and Eating Disorders

There was a period of time (maybe in high school?) when I enjoyed watching figure skating. My mom has always liked watching it, so when I went to go hang out with her the other day, it didn't surprise me to find her curled up on the couch watching it. Anyways, I watched with her for awhile, but truthfully, I cringe when I watch skating because I just hate seeing the girls fall- and it seems like they all fall!! I have such a difficult time enjoying it because it seems like they work for hours and hours and years and years training, they miss their proms, and sacrifice having 'normal' lives, and one fall or misstep can dictate their futures. I know that is slightly dramatic of me to say. However, in a competitive situation like this, a tenth of a point can determine whether or not one will go to the Olympics after having trained for years. I just can't take the pressure!! Haha. Anyways, all that to say- it's been a looong time since I've watched any skating. And what I noticed as I watched was that this time around I was cringing for different reasons. If you have read my blog before, you probably know what is coming... but I was upset by how many of the skaters looked unhealthy. Because I sit with people on a daily basis who are in the middle of some pretty serious battles with eating disorders and body image issues, I see what they go through and know how difficult and distressing it can be. The fact that many competitive skaters likely struggle with eating disorders may not be a newsflash, but it is still very, very sad and concerning.

As in all sports, the body is a major instrument; a few sports in particular though (think gymnastics, running, skating) feature the body as the only instrument. In many of these sports and activities, the rates of eating disorders are soaring. The percentage of skaters with eating disorders is very high. A recent estimate stated that upwards of 85% of competitive figure skaters have eating disorders- that is a LOT. Jenny Kirk, a former competitive (and successful) figure skater, was interviewed recently by the Huffington Post and she did a great two part interview to raise awareness about eating disorders and their prevalence in skating. She shares her personal story, which involved leaving competitive skating due to the severity of her eating disorder. She is now in recovery and attending college, while also raising awareness about eating disorders. The interviews are very informative and interesting. Check them out by clicking below!

**Jenny Kirk interview part 1

**Jenny Kirk interview part 2

Mixed Messages and Making Moves..

This morning, I read a really thought provoking blog entry on True/Slant (which is a blogazine--kind of like a magazine, but a blog... umm, i might have made up that word!!). The author, Katie Drummond, was discussing Katherine McPhee's recent bikini cover on Shape magazine. McPhee, who gained fame after appearing on American Idol, has publicly discussed her past struggles with bulimia, and her experience of being admitted to treatment for three months prior to going on the show in order to focus on getting healthy. Ms. Drummond takes aim at Shape Magazine for putting a recovered eating disorder patient clad in a bikini (and airbrushed!) on its cover, as well as at McPhee for posing in a bikini and perpetuating unrealistic images of beauty after struggling herself with feeling pressure as a result of viewing similar unrealistic images in the media. Ms. Drummond's article is entitled A Lesson in Health Hypocrisy and she explores the hypocrisy that exists in this scenario. Her blog entry is a little angsty, but I appreciate the passion with which she writes because I think that by posing in a bikini for a magazine which happens to advertise 'drop a pound by Friday' on its cover, McPhee- and Shape- are sending some pretty mixed messages.

I wonder if McPhee, or Shape, or the media in general realize the impact that they are having on women by sending such mixed messages. I am not pointing the finger at McPhee (well, maybe I am a little), but she says in the article that doing six different 'moves' changed her body. This sets an alarm off to me. It's not that exercising is wrong, or trying to be healthy or fit is wrong, but it concerns me that her happiness and acceptance of her body are a result of the changes she has made to her body. It just sends the wrong message to women about where our happiness comes from. Again, the point is not to bash McPhee. I just think it is important to raise awareness and discuss some of these things that we become numb to, because whether we know it or not, these images impact us! While there is not one single cause of eating disorders, and while seeing unrealistic images of women's bodies do not cause eating disorders, these images can be a precipitating factor, when combined with a genetic predisposition and certain environmental factors.

A month from now, NEDA (the National Eating Disorder Association) is sponsoring National Eating Disorders Awareness Week--- February 21-27. I will be posting more information as this week draws nearer, but I wanted to mention it in light of what I read this morning on True/Slant. Rather than just venting about the media and that magazine cover, or discussing how things could or should be different, it is helpful to think forwardly and focus on what we can do to make some changes! One simple thing that I have mentioned before is using GoodSearch! This is a search engine, just like google, that donates money to nonprofits of your choice before you perform each search. You can donate to eating disorder nonprofits, as well as a bunch of other great organizations. Follow this link to find out more. The second thing that I wanted to mention is something that I read on NEDA's website the other day. Marilyn Wann, author of Fat? So!, developed an art activity for people to participate in that deals with transforming the numbers on scales to adjectives! Confused? The Boulder Youth Body Alliance (BYBA), a nonprofit that seeks to encourage teens to change the world, rather than their bodies, has encouraged teens to participate in this activity by turning scales into art. I love this idea and think it must be really empowering for women of all ages to take part in something like this! Follow this link to view pictures/examples of scales as art, and to read more about what BYBA is doing!

Love Yourself.

I just read this opinion piece on CNN.com about dieting and wanted to highlight it because it is definitely worth the read (and it fits in especially well with all my recent posts about dieting and New Year's resolutions!!). Dr. Leo Buscaglia's quote above is also one that you may want to go back and re-read a few times after you read this article as well! Anyways, the author of this piece, Dr. Divya Kakaiya, is a psychologist who has been treating eating disorders since 1985; she is also the clinical director and founder of Healthy Within, an eating disorder treatment center in San Diego. Her main premise in this article: don't diet. While she writes from the perspective that dieting mothers do not set a good precedent for their children, whether or not you are a mother does not make this article more or less relevant. I would encourage everyone to check it out. You can follow the link above, or read it below. Enjoy! :)

Welcome to 2010. What is your New Year's resolution? Are you planning on investing more money into the annual $40 billion dieting industry? If so, please think again.

As we start our work week, many of us are looking in the mirror and saying "Yuck. I feel fat, uncomfortable and need to go on a diet."

Dieting and the language of "fat" have become so normal that we don't think twice before we say, "I have to go on a diet, I have gained so much weight."

If we are parents of teenagers, we may as well be saying to them, "Change yourself, fix your body. You're not perfect and never will be." Is this how we want to empower our youth?

You spend countless hours raising your child with the values of honesty, integrity and the importance of the work ethic. But if you are dieting and complaining about how fat you are, you could be putting your teenager at risk for an eating disorder. As a psychologist who has been treating eating disorders since 1985, I worry that there could be a connection between dieting parents and teenagers who develop anorexia or bulimia.

The 6-year-old girl who is watching her mother suck in her stomach in front of the mirror is going to look at her belly poking out and immediately think that she is fat.

How awful that we just inadvertently planted the seed of lifelong discontent with her body into the innocent mind of a 6-year-old.

We have to be mindful of what we really want to emphasize as important. In this quick-fix world of Botox, plastic surgery and fad diets, our children are not being taught how to tolerate discomfort and how to work hard and patiently.

"Now" is the demand word that parents feel compelled to cater to. We could be creating a generation of self-obsessed, narcissistic children. Do we really want them to feel that the glamour of "Gossip Girl" is the goal of their lives? We must draw the line by examining our own core values.

The majority of us know that the quick fix is not going to work, yet we feel compelled to throw ourselves into the despair of broken diets, broken resolutions, broken promises and worse, a pervasive sense of shame that attacks the core of our being.

We are so inundated with messages that are constantly redefining what is healthy that in our confusion we forget what is normal eating and a healthy, balanced lifestyle.

The "diet monster" gobbles up our self-esteem and makes us return to that unfaithful lover again and again, only to drop more money into that $40 billion pot. We could use that money to educate millions of brains each year, better our schools, reduce poverty and attend to our elderly.

Of course, eating healthily and staying active are very important. But of those who lose weight through dieting, 98 percent gain it back again in two years. Diet is a four-letter word that begins with "die." Isn't that ominous enough?

This year, create an intention not to diet.

When you do this, you are consciously rejecting the appearance-obsessed, materialistic culture that inundates us. An intention to honor your soul instead of your appearance -- to choose to give back in the community, volunteer, give time to the elderly -- will make you feel stronger.

Instead of spending time counting calories or going obsessively to the gym, donate those hours to a shelter for abused women. Love your body. This year, make it your intention to teach your teenager to reject the appearance-obsessed world she lives in and have her give her heart instead of changing her body.

Caution: This approach might make you start to love your body and you may waver on your New Year's resolution to lose weight!

As January unfolds, we are going to be blasted with commercials from multiple sources, with each one touting a permanent relief. The net result of these commercials is to get us to continue to hate our bodies so that these diet companies can make money off our body hatred.

There is also a political reason for women to be held to a high "thin" standard of perfection. We are then no longer a threat to anyone who wants power. "Body Wars" keep women in their place and are economically driven.

Let us assert our power by rejecting the dieting mantra, and standing our ground.