Rachel Roy: A Reminder in Making a Difference

About 2 months ago, designer Rachel Roy presented two of her Fall 2010 collections at Nieman Marcus at Short Hills mall in NJ to benefit NEDA, the National Eating Disorders Association. All of the proceeds of ticket sales benefitted NEDA to support research, prevention and improved accessibility and quality of care for eating disorder treatment. Even though this happened almost 2 whole months ago, I just read about it and felt the need to mention it for a few reasons.

First, a designer supporting NEDA and seeking to raise awarness about eating disorders deserves a mention! But secondly, it is a good reminder that no matter what our vocation, we can all do something to contribute, raise awareness, etc. If you aren't into promoting healthy body image or raising awareness about eating disorders (we aren't all passionate about the same things thankfully, which makes life a little more interesting!), you are probably passionate about something! And this is a great reminder that we can all make a difference, no matter how big or small. Whether you contribute financially, give of your time in some way, or do something entirely creative is up to you! But consider how you might be able to make a difference in the lives of others! You might be surprised to find that you end up having greater perspective in your life as you work to serve and contribute to those around you.

Mean Girls, Fat Talk and A Video Contest!

Mean Girls was- and still is- a classic movie about high school, popularity, and being true to yourself. It makes me laugh every time I watch it (mostly out of disbelief) because of the way it depicts the social strata of high school. I will say that one thing Mean Girls does a great job of is humorously exposing some of the hideous ways that us girls treat each other, as well as the ways that we talk about ourselves and one another. I remember at my high school, we had our own version of 'the plastics' but they called themselves 'the six pack.' Gross! Anyways, one scene that really stands out to me takes place in Regina George's bedroom, where all four 'mean girls' are hanging out. They end up in front of the mirror, picking themselves apart and engaging in negative talk about their bodies. Cady, the new girl in the group, doesn't understand why they are talking so badly about themselves. The following is the dialogue that takes place in front of the mirror:

"My hips are huge."

"Oh please, I hate my calves."

"At least you can wear halters, I have man shoulders."

"My hairline is so weird."

"My pores are huge."

"My nail beds suck."

Now, let's face it. We all have moments where we may not feel our best, but ladies, this kind of talk, also known as 'fat talk' needs to stop! It is sad that we can be so harsh and critical of ourselves. So, what is fat talk and why do we need to cut it out?? According to the Reflections: Body Image Program, "Fat Talk describes all of the statements made in everyday conversation that reinforce the thin ideal and contribute to women’s dissatisfaction with their bodies. Examples of fat talk may include: “I’m so fat,” “Do I look fat in this?” “I need to lose 10 pounds” and “She’s too fat to be wearing that swimsuit.” Statements that are considered fat talk don’t necessarily have to be negative; they can seem positive yet also reinforce the need to be thin – “You look great! Have you lost weight?”." Fat talk reinforces unhealthy beliefs and attitudes about our bodies, and also has a negative impact on others as well!

So what can we do about this?! Well, there is a very unique way for you to get involved, share your voice, and help to impact change!! Fat Talk Free Week, put on annually by Tri-Delta and the Reflections: Body Image Program, will be starting soon-- on October 18-22! I will be posting more on this as the time draws closer, but wanted to alert you all of a great opportunity! This year, there is a video contest. Make a short video to show what you are doing to end 'fat talk' and upload it to the official End Fat Talk facebook fan page (here). Video submissions are due by Wednesday, October 20. Once uploaded, friends and family can vote for your video and one lucky winner will take home a $1000 gift card to Best Buy! This video campaign is a great way to promote positive body talk and to impact change!!

Below is a powerful video that was made to inspire change, as well as to promote Fat Talk Free Week. Consider participating in the video contest this year. And if you aren't feeling compelled to submit a video, that's okay!! But think about how else you might be able to get involved this year to help reduce and eliminate fat talk- whether it starts with you, in your own mind and conversations, or in conversations you have with others. One person can make a difference.

On Asking For Help-- And A Horse Named Dude

Last week, I took a little road trip to Virginia where I attended an onsite visit at Remuda Ranch. Remuda is a residential treatment facility for girls and women with eating disorders- they just recently updated their website, and it's worth checking out (follow this link to view it!). Anyways, while I knew quite a bit about Remuda Ranch before visiting, I was really impressed with the quality of care that they provide to patients. I was also impressed with the commitment and value placed on spiritual healing as well! Remuda's treatment program is centered around a Christian approach, however, girls and women of all faiths are respected and welcome and can decide how little or how much they want to participate and interact with the faith piece.

Anyways, Remuda really is a ranch- it's not just called that:-). There is a full service barn complete with horses. No cell phone service, no Starbucks, and nothing but dirt roads and beautiful scenery. Among the therapeutic activities used with patients is equine therapy, which uses experiences and interactions with horses to teach the patients things about themselves, facilitating insight and growth. I was a little skeptical before I really knew anything about it, but after learning more and seeing different demonstrations, it is amazing how much you can learn about yourself from a horse!

I volunteered to help out with an activity and got to meet Dude, an Arabian horse:-). My task was to get him over a jumping bar without touching him. Last time I checked, I wasn't a horse trainer-- and I had NO idea how to make this happen. Once I was in the ring with Dude, I secretly regretted volunteering because I was feeling a little in over my head!! After several frustrating minutes of Dude eating dirt and ignoring my commands to jump over the bar, I finally asked Dave, the man in charge, if he had any suggestions! He didn't (of course), but some of the other therapists that were watching were able to give me some ideas. They told me to take the bar off of the jumping post, and lay it on the ground and have Dude walk over the bar. After much coaxing and guiding him from behind, Dude finally stepped over the bar!!

After processing what happened with Dude (I love that the horse's name is Dude, by the way), Dave mentioned that this particular activity can be useful in illustrating how important it is to ask for help!! He said that he will watch people struggling with an activity like this, not knowing what to do, and watching them get frustrated (like me!), and angry- and yet they don't ask for help. Or, if they do, they wait a really long time before asking. You might see how this applies to eating disorder recovery, and even more so, life!! We were not created to be alone, to have no support or community in our lives. And yet sometimes our pride or life circumstances keep us from reaching out and asking for help! Sometimes admitting we need help and are unable to do things on our own can be a huge step forward... and what a relief to know that we don't have to carry a burden all on our own! Sometimes we don't ask for help because we're not even sure of what we need! But just being able to share a burden with a friend, family member or loved one can be a way of reaching out for help and support.

For those of you unfamiliar with TLC, it is the cable TV network that has brought us such gems as Jon and Kate Plus Eight, The Duggars: 19 Kids and Counting, I Didn't Know I was Pregnant and Toddlers and Tiaras. If my tone isn't giveaway enough, I won't elaborate any more on my opinion of these shows. [I will say, as a disclaimer, that my mind is just so blown by 'I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant'. How do these women NOT KNOW?!] Anyways, many people really like these shows- and that is just fine. What is not fine is that I just read an article in the LA Times about one of TLC's new shows, airing tonight, which follows people through their issues with food and disordered eating. The name of the show is called Freaky Eaters. Umm... FREAKY EATERS???!!

Now, my thought is that by calling yourself The Learning Channel, your intent is to educate people and help them learn! Part of educating people about eating disorders and helping them to understand disordered eating is to bust myths, emphasize the facts (genetics included), and hopefully in doing so, de-stigmatize mental illness. A show entitled FREAKY EATERS does not help do that- it does just the opposite by stigmatizing eating disorders and disordered eating by calling people 'freaky' who struggle in the ways that they relate to food!! It seems really insensitive and irresponsible.

I would encourage you to follow this link, which will take you to a web page that will allow you to email the network directly and share your feedback with them. You probably have other thoughts in addition to those that I have written- in fact, I am sure that you do! And I would encourage you to share them with the network as well! Part of raising awareness and education is to advocate- and this is a very simple way to do that!

Love Your Friends!!

September happens to be National Women's Friendship Month. I personally believe every month should be National Women's Friendship Month because a girl needs her friends all the time!!! But maybe the idea of taking a month to recognize the importance of friendship is a good reminder for all of us girls (well, and boys too!) to be thankful for the friends in our lives who have been there for us-- and with us-- through the ups and downs! I know that I am SO thankful for all of my friends, especially my very best friends! Even though some of them might live far away from me geographically (like the ones pictured above and below that were taken this summer-love you girls!), they are closer than ever in my heart. (Awwww! So cheesy!)

I think that the whole topic of friendship is especially relevant as it relates to body image and eating disorders. You might be wondering how!! Well, I believe that we were created to be in community with people, and sometimes, having poor body image and/or an eating disorder can interfere and take us out of community with others. Perhaps you might withdraw socially because you don't want people to know how you are really doing, you don't want people to notice your disordered habits or unhealthy attitudes--avoiding and isolating can become pretty standard. If we are pursuing lives of health, it is so critical to have friends and loved ones around us for support!! We need to have people in our lives who are willing to listen, and willing to be there for us when we struggle- whether it involves food, body image, family, marriage, work, friendships, relationships, etc! But friendship is about more than just the struggles- it is also about celebrating each other's successes and encouraging us to grow and develop into the women that we want to be! These friendships can certainly be few and far between, but what they lack in number they more than make up for in fullness!!

Remind those friends today that they mean something special to you, that they are loved and that you are thankful for them! Love to all of my friends!!