Loving What is Real....

One of my all time favorite children's books is The Velveteen Rabbit. While it definitely brings back visions of tricycles and My Little Pony, this book was read to me often before bedtime and I had such an affection for this story. I remember one year for Christmas I received the newest edition of this book, along with a stuffed animal that was supposed to be the Velveteen Rabbit. It was one of my favorite gifts. As I have gotten older, and have gained a little bit of life experience since my days drinking out of a sippy cup, I still appreciate this book because I think its message transcends the playground.

The Velveteen Rabbit is more than a story about a boy and his stuffed animal; it is a parable that echoes a desire that we all have in our hearts to be loved and to be accepted as we are. At one point in the book, the Velveteen Rabbit has a discussion with the Skin Horse, another toy, about his fear that he will not be special or loved by the boy. The Velveteen Rabbit longs to be special, and believes that his experience of being accepted and loved will make him Real, which will ultimately give him validation. The following is a short excerpt of one of my favorite parts, in which the Skin Horse is talking to the Velveteen Rabbit about becoming Real:

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

The Velveteen Rabbit

The reason that I love this part so much is because it extends to more than just toys. We get mixed messages today about beauty, and what is required of us to fit in, to be accepted, to be admired, to be loved, to be beautiful. This certainly extends to our bodies, and the expectation that exists for us to be a certain size or shape in order to be perceived as beautiful. At the risk of sounding like a tired cliche, I think what makes us beautiful goes way beyond our appearance. And that is one reason why I love this book so much- it illustrates the idea that our character and experience is what makes us beautiful, and that people love us most when we are being the most authentic versions of ourselves. Our experience, our age, our resilience all make us real and make us beautiful!

As we try to navigate what is real in our culture today, we must decide how we define beauty and choose to base our standard on things that are different from what the media might tell us. One organization that is doing a great job of exploring beauty and educating young girls about self-esteem is Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty. I have mentioned this organization more than once (follow this link, or this one to read more) because I think that the resources that they provide for young girls and women are wonderful. Whether you have body image struggles or not, whether you have an eating disorder or not, I think we can all relate to the message behind the Velveteen Rabbit of wanting to be loved and wanting to be accepted just as we are. I read a quote the other day that has stuck with me, and I will leave you with it.. In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."

Dieting is Dangerous?

2010 is in full force, and I have heard a LOT of people talking about wanting to 'get in shape' and start diets. Magazine covers are spilling celebrity diet secrets, and people are doing health cleanses and detox diets to start the year off healthy. (Just for the record, detox diets and cleanses- aside from being dangerous- are kind of silly; the reason that we have a liver is so that our body can naturally process and remove toxins!)

According to this article, dieting is America's most dangerous New Year's resolution. Why are diets dangerous? Well, for one, they can trigger eating disorders in some people. But diets are also ineffective- 95% of diets fail. This likely means that our bodies are not getting what they need- they either receive too little or too much, which has negative health ramifications either way. I wrote a post recently on common diet myths that I want to re-post in light of it being 'diet season'. I think it is important that people have some facts about diets before they embark on one. Below is an excerpt of the post, jumping right in with 7 myths of dieting- if you would like to read the entire post, follow this link.

Myth #1= You will lose weight. This is why most people pursue a diet in the first place, right? It may surprise you, but research shows that in the long run, 98% of dieters actually end up gaining weight. Why? Because the real issues behind food consumption and understanding metabolism are rarely addressed with a diet. And when unhealthy means are used, the weight loss is usually not maintainable.

Myth #2=You will look amazing as a result of your diet. If your goal is to look like someone else, or to look like some of the images that we regularly see on TV, in magazines, etc.. then you are chasing a goal that is not attainable. These images are altered by computers (check out this video for an example- yikes!). What is more is that a diet will not change your facial features, it will not make you taller, it will not make your legs longer, and it will not make your boobs bigger. Sorry:).

Myth #3=Diets are not dangerous. Whenever you restrict or cut out entire food groups (sugar, carbs, fat, dairy, etc..), this is dangerous-- especially for young people. Our bodies require a variety of foods in order to fuel our organs and keep us functioning effectively. Not to mention that studies show that dieting is an indicator of future eating disorders. A girl who diets before she is 14 is eight times more likely to develop an eating disorder. There are many health risks associated with dieting as well, such as weakened bones, dehydration and decreased heart rate.

Myth #4=Certain foods are bad. Often times, when we diet or approach food with a diet mentality, we label food as 'good' or 'bad.' We may even determine what food we consider to be good or bad based upon which particular diet we are on. The fact of the matter is that all foods are created equal and all foods can fit into a healthy lifestyle. There are no bad foods, only bad diets.

Myth #5= Diets give you control. Having a defined set of rules, especially when it comes to food, may convince you that you will be in control of what you put in your mouth. However, what often happens when you eat the same foods, or follow similar rituals each day with food, you begin to crave foods you have labelled 'bad' or 'outlawed.' This can lead to overeating and binges, which ultimately take you to a place you were trying to avoid to begin with. Also, diets usually make you cranky, they tend to decrease your energy, and they leave you feeling tired and pretty irritable. When you get to this point, the diet is controlling you, and you have little control.

Myth #6= Diets are safe and healthy. Maybe a little repetitive (myth #3), but if you chronically diet, you risk potentially altering the natural weight of your body. Over time, if your body weight fluctuates from higher to lower, and lower to higher, your body generally settles at a higher weight than it would have needed to be if it was not altered in the first place. Our bodies become confused, because they do not know if they will get what they need nutritionally, or if they will not receive any food at all. Our metabolisms slow down because our bodies think we are starving. The irony in this is that the exact opposite of what is intended is likely to end up happening.

Myth #7= You need to follow a diet. Here are some healthy guidelines to follow (compliments of Remuda Ranch) that are not diet-centric. Eat a variety of foods in moderation. Having variety allows for you to meet your nutritional needs; we cannot get all we need from one single food, or from a small number of foods alone. Listen to your body, and your stomach. Eat when you are hungry, stop when you are full. You don't need to eat food just because it is in front of you. Find out if you are eating because you are physically hungry or emotionally hungry (more on this to come..).

To conclude, Karen R. Koenig wrote a book called The Rules of Normal Eating. It is an extremely helpful book for anyone who has struggled with chronic dieting, overeating, undereating, emotional eating and anything in between. I wrote a post on her book awhile back and provided some suggestions that she outlines in her book as they relate to 'normal eating.'. Follow this link for more information.

Who Do You Want to be in 2010?

So, in my last post, I talked a little bit about behavioral change, neural pathways and New Year's resolutions (yawn- haha). I think one of the important points that I was trying to make is that change can be difficult. However, it is not impossible or too difficult to attempt! I am all for change and love when people become inspired to grow and change in any way- that is one reason I do what I do! I think it is important though to be educated about the process of change as it helps to make sense of why some changes can be more difficult to make than others (which goes back to neural pathways, the brain and emotions).

I am going to rewind for a minute and talk strictly about New Year's resolutions and the pervasive nature/themes of New Year resolutions. If you were to take an inventory of the last few days, or even the last week, how many articles, commercials, conversations or facebook statuses have you noticed or observed that have had to do with weight loss, calories, fitness regimes, detox diets, plans for getting in shape, etc... ? I know that I have seen and encountered countless. I think often times New Year's resolutions are synonymous with weight loss and fitness goals. Out of curiosity, I googled New Year's resolutions to see what would come up, and about.com's top ten list of the most common resolutions popped up first in my search. Up to this point, I had never heard of about.com, but I am a sucker for lists and couldn't pass up finding out what made their top ten. Here it is:

1. Spend more time with family and friends.
2. Fit in fitness
3. Tame the bulge
4. Quit smoking
5. Enjoy life more
6. Quit drinking
7. Get out of debt
8. Learn something new
9. Help others
10. Get organized

It didn't surprise me at all that two of the top ten resolutions involved fitness or weight (as it reflects the values and messages that our society and media hold), but what did surprise me was that helping others, learning something new and enjoying life more were all on the bottom half of the list. There is certainly value in being healthy, and I think health should be a priority. If this means that in order to be healthy, you need to gain a few pounds, or lose a few pounds, then I encourage you to pursue health. But it is important to view health not solely as a physical thing- our health is more than just a physical measure. It also includes our mental health, our spiritual health and our emotional health. I think before we make any resolutions, or goals for ourselves, we may need to step back to see if these goals are consistent with our values and who we want to be before we move forward with them!

Maybe one thing that you can do instead of making a list of New Year's resolutions is to think about the kind of person that you want to be in 2010. Take a close look at what is influencing and shaping you as a person. Is it friends? Is it the media? Is it God? Is it family? It might be helpful to consider the sources of influence in your life, and decide if they are positive and helpful in becoming the person that you were made to be! I heard someone wise say that whether we know it or not, we all worship something based on how we live our lives and what we give our time, our attention, and our thoughts to. For some of us, there are great obstacles and challenges to overcome in order to be the person that we want to be, but there is hope in pursuing a life that is filled with meaning, intention and purpose. I would encourage you, as I encourage myself as well, to examine the kind of person that you want to be, the character traits and qualities that you want to exhibit, the experiences you want to have, and the life you want to live- and move forward in a direction that is consistent with those things.

Maybe the Grinch Was Depressed... ?

Merry late Christmas everyone! Better late than never, right? :) I have been so busy and wish I could have posted sooner, but again... better late than never!!

Even though this post has to do with the holidays, and Christmas is now 364 days away, I think that we are still on the heels of the holiday season. We still have to make it through that awkward week after Christmas/week before New Years- a time that is often used to reflect on the past year while pondering the new one. While we all have things to be thankful for, sometimes the holidays can be overwhelming and the thought of a new year can be daunting.

For this reason, and many others (family stress, financial stress, eating disorder/body image stress), the holidays are not an uncommon time for people to feel sad, grumpy, irritable, ... depressed! I came across an article about depression in which psychologist Cynthia Bulik uses the Grinch as an example of one who exhibits symptoms of depression. In this article (which is titled, Grinch Likely Depressed, Suffers From Lack of Love, Joy) she says, "Everybody's always down on the Grinch. But one of the things I've always asked myself is whether the Grinch himself might be feeling kind of down." She uses him as an example (and it's so cute) which helps to illustrate the different forms that depression can take. What is important to realize is that while often we associate depression with people who are sad, people that are depressed may exhibit little sadness and more irritability, general feelings of misery, and/or social withdrawal.

To read this article, and to find out more about depression, follow this link. And to read a great blog post on assessing depression written by one of my favorite therapist friends,Whitney, follow this link.

Brothers

I have been wanting to see the movie Brothers, so I finally went and saw it the other night! It's a powerful movie starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Natalie Portman and Tobey Maguire that examines the effects (mostly psychological) of war on one's family and its impact on familial relationships. Because this is not Rotten Tomatoes, the movie review website :), I will refrain from giving you a play by play on the movie - but if you are interested, follow this link to read some reviews. The reason I bring up this movie is not because I just want to talk about the movie... Rather, I had an interesting observation as I watched it that got me thinking more about the way that men and women are portrayed in the media, specifically as it relates to body image.

In this movie, Toby Maguire plays a Marine who is held as a prisoner of war. He is tortured and starved. For the role, he had to lose a considerable amount of weight. I noticed that he looked significantly underweight throughout the movie, and my friend who I was with noticed this too. Well, when I got home, I wanted to read some reviews about the movie because 1) i'm kind of a nerd, but 2) it had a pretty powerful message and I was curious how other people had interpreted its meaning. In the process, I came across some interviews done by Maguire where he discussed how he was required to lose a substantial amount of weight for the role. He mentioned that he only had a couple of weeks to drop the weight, and while he did consult a nutritionist one time before he began his weight loss, he admitted that he used very unhealthy means to reach his goal.

I guess what struck me about this is the fact that a majority of Hollywood actresses are significantly underweight all the time, and for the most part, the media views this as 'normal.' While magazines may write stories about which actress used which diet to lose weight fast, you typically hear stories about women being praised for losing drastic amounts of weight, even if it is unhealthy. I think what this illustration demonstrates is that when a woman is underweight, it is not really newsworthy because it is sort of an expectation as the ideal standard of beauty, whereas when a man loses too much weight, it is recognized as unhealthy-- it is assumed that he will return to his normal, healthy weight once the filming for his movie has reached completion. Why is it that we can recognize unhealthy weight and disordered behaviors in men and fail to do so with women? Being silent communicates acceptance, so when an actress is too thin, is cast in movies and people rave about her beauty, it sends a message that she is beautiful and okay. This message is a dangerous one.

I guess the culmination of my thoughts on Tobey Maguire amounted to more confirmation of my desire to increase awareness of the ways in which the media can be confusing and tricky with their double standards and messages. I think it is important to be aware of these mixed messages so as to avoid buying into the values and deceptions in them. I have mentioned the organization About-Face before in another post (click here to read it). It's main goal is to promote health by helping women to resist damaging messages from the media about their bodies and self-esteem. I recommend checking it out! To access their website, follow this link. In the mean time, be discerning as you interact with culture and media, and do not be afraid to be critical about what you see and observe...