Turkey Day Anxiety: Part 1

Thanksgiving is rapidly approaching- it will be here in just a few days.. which is kind of hard to believe! It seems like time is flying by, doesn't it? Sometimes it is difficult to know how to prepare for the holiday season because it sneaks up on us so quickly and it is a time that elicits very mixed emotions- excitement, stress, happiness, sadness, irritation, hopefulness, etc.. There are so many different reasons for the range of emotions that are typical at this time of year, but I think the NY Times said it best today in an article entitled Food, Kin and Tension at Thanksgiving:

For Thanksgiving dinner, what side dish would you prefer to accompany your turkey — a serving of well-marinated conflict over how much or how little you eat, or some nice, fresh criticism of your cooking skills?

As awful as that sounds, you kind of have to laugh because there is a lot of truth in such a statement. Whenever families gather together around the holidays (as well as for other celebrations or events), tension and stress are not an uncommon part of the experience. What can add to that stress is the fact that Thanksgiving in our culture has become a food holiday- and if you have struggled with any kind of food issue- anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, disordered eating- even being a picky eater- then the stress can be overwhelming. Or, if you have a loved one who has dealt with any kind of food issue, then you also experience stress at the thought of how to behave and what to say or what not to say come meal time. It can be a tough time for all parties involved.

I am going to provide a few suggestions for how to approach Thanksgiving in light of some of these stressors, but I am going to do that in another post- soon to follow and before Thanksgiving! So check back. In the meantime, read the rest of this article from today's NY Times by following this link. PS- my favorite local hero, Cynthia Bulik, is quoted. She is popping up everywhere these days and that makes me so happy.

A Few More Thoughts- Girls and The Triple Bind

In my previous post, I wrote about girls losing their sense of self and the importance of helping them to see their worth and value by creating circles of protection around them. I came across a book this week that I wanted to share because I think that it complements some of these ideas. It is called The Triple Bind, which Dr. Stephen Hinshaw, the author, says is a term that represents a triple threat to young girls-- societal expectations, cultural trends and conflicting messages. He states that young girls are growing up in a momentous time- they have more opportunities than ever, but also more pressure than ever. He says that they are not only expected to excel at 'girl skills' (friendships, relationships, empathy, etc), but with increased opportunities, there is an expectation for them to achieve the same things that boys have historically succeeded in (sports, demanding careers, etc), AND do both while looking perfect in the process. That is a LOT to live up to.. It is no wonder girls are struggling to cope these days! Hinshaw states that by the age of 19, 1 in 4 girls will have either developed major depression, made a suicide attempt, participated in self-harming behaviors such as cutting, or practiced binge eating or other eating disorders. I would be surprised if this number were not higher.. For more information on his book, access Hinshaw's website here.

The Chicago Tribune published an article back in April about Hinshaw's book and made the point that any parent who has a daughter may want to read this book because regardless of age, all girls face these struggles today. The article, which can be read here, suggests that parents have a large role in helping their daughters develop healthy identities. So, as parents, what are some practical ways that you can help your daughter? I received an email in response to my last blog post asking a similar question as to what action to take to help young people navigate these pressures. An excerpt of the email is below:

Helping teenagers find their voices is also the reason I'm working towards teacherhood. I am aware of the difficulties facing young women, but as a public school educator, and a male one at that, what can I do to help specifically address these issues?

This is a great question. While the roles of parents and teachers are certainly different, I think there are a few suggestions that Hinshaw writes about that apply to both. First, encourage girls (as well as boys) to be discerning and critical of the media and the messages that are portrayed. Second, and this relates more to parents, spend quality time together over dinner; eating dinner together, while tough for many families to practice, has been shown to reduce the risk of eating disorders, as well as depression and drug/alcohol use. Third, encourage girls to volunteer and be involved in the community- whether it be community service, or involvement at church, being involved in something greater than yourself often helps one to gain a sense of purpose through a higher calling in your life. Talking and communicating with your daughters is SO important- talk to them and get feedback about the kind of support that they may need or want. Being able to communicate is so crucial, for both you and your daughter. For a few more pointers and helpful suggestions, follow this link to read some tips for communicating about body image, compliments of the Girl Scouts.

Circles of Protection

The other night I went to an event where I heard Becky McDonald speak. Becky McDonald is the founder of Women at Risk International (WAR), a nonprofit organization that serves women at risk around the world. Her goal in creating this organization was to create circles of protection around young women who are at risk of being sold into slavery and trafficking, as well as to rescue women from these situations, empower them, and communicate the message that they were created for purpose and dignity. She has a passion for giving young girls and women a voice and has worked hard to bring healing to women in over 18 countries.

Helping women (and especially adolescent girls) to find their voice is something that I have been passionate about for a long time. It is one of the reasons that led me to become a counselor. The context in which this has played out is pretty different than that which Becky speaks of, however, I believe that her message is especially relevant for the women and girls that I work with. Her message of God's hope and healing is one that we all need to hear, regardless of our circumstances or what we have been through.

So often, young girls in adolescence begin to lose their voices as they worry more and more about fitting in. They may pretend not to like certain things, or they may pretend TO like certain things. Sometimes girls silence their voices so much that they lose their sense of self; they hardly remember what they like, what they think or what they want. Many girls that have eating disorders experience feelings of powerlessness, and with powerlessness comes a silencing of the self. Other self-harm behaviors, such as self-mutiliation or cutting, are becoming more prevalent in the lives of young teenage girls as they seek to deal with their emotions and their inability to express who they really are for fear of not being accepted.

As a quick aside, To Write Love on Her Arms is a nonprofit that is dedicated to providing hope and light to people who are struggling with depression and self-harming behaviors, which are both so common in girls with eating disorders. Apparently, November 13 is To Write Love on Her Arms Day, although my source for this is facebook :). Whether or not this is a sanctioned day of awareness is pretty insignificant to me- I think any day is a good day to raise awareness-- and because it is November 13 and the theme of this post is giving girls a voice, I wanted to make sure to mention this. To read more about this organization and what they are doing, follow this link.

Creating circles of protection around young girls in our society is SO crucial- whether it is to protect them from slavery, or from cultural messages about body image, or both. How do we create circles of protection around girls? By restoring dignity, showing them their purpose, empowering them through education and skill building, as well as working to impact change on a large scale through advocacy. For more information on Women at Risk, visit www.warinternational.org.

Every BODY is Beautiful...

Each year, NEDA (the National Eating Disorders Association) holds an online auction to raise money to support individuals and families affected by eating disorders. This year is NEDA's 5th Every BODY is Beautiful Online Auction and bidding begins today! Bidding is open until December 2, so you have an entire month to peruse and bid on any of the items. Items are added each week and range from vacations to donated items, such as signed books, etc... If you would like to donate an item or know someone who might, you can do so by clicking here. Or, if you would like to browse the items that have been added to the auction thus far, click here.

For more on NEDA, access their website here. By clicking on this link, you can watch NEDA's video story, a recent public service announcement that was put out, and also media from their 2009 campaign. They are each powerful, check them out!

Q & A with Julie Holland : )

I got really excited when I came across this interview on PsychCentral.com with Julie Holland because I really like Julie-- aside from being a great person, she knows her eating disorder stuff. She is the Director of Certification for IAEDP (the International Association of Eating Disorders Professionals) and currently works for the Eating Recovery Center in Denver. Anyways, Julie spoke to PsychCentral.com about fat talk, self esteem, and other related topics, as October 19-23 was Fat Talk Free Week (to learn more about Fat Talk Free Week, check out my post here). She has some very good things to say, especially regarding helpful advice for parents on how to help their children have positive body image. The following interview is copied and pasted below but can be accessed on PsychCentral.com by clicking here.

Q&A with Julie Holland

By MARGARITA TARTAKOVSKY, M.S.
October 20, 2009

Julie Holland, MHS, CEDS, is recognized in the industry as both a clinician and public speaker. A certified eating disorders specialist, she has directed marketing and customer relationship management programs at several leading eating disorder treatment programs across the country. Ms. Holland has specialized in the treatment of self-esteem, eating and body image issues for adults and adolescents for more than 23 years. She is a Certified Eating Disorders Specialist and Director of Certification for the International Association of Eating Disorders Professionals, as well as an Approved IAEDP Supervisor.

1. How does fat talk affect one’s self image?

   Fat talk brings a sense of negativity toward how individuals think about themselves and their body. It can also affect how individuals relate to others.

2. What are several things parents can do to improve their child’s body image?
   • Be accepting of all body types rather than labeling one as the “best.” Encourage children to think about people they admire and love who are different body sizes and shapes.
   • Be positive about what our bodies do for us rather than placing so much emphasis on how they look.
   • One of the most important things a parent can do is be a positive role model - be positive about your own shape and size. Do not talk negatively about your own body or constantly complain about needing to change your body to fit a perceived ideal.
   • Think about statements you make and make sure what you are saying is a positive influence. For example, girls who are tall are often told “you are so big!!!” when what individuals really mean are “wow, you are really tall for your age.” Follow it up with a positive statement like “I bet you love being tall!” Otherwise, it can be perceived as negative.
3. At what age should you start talking to your kids about body image?

   From birth on. I remember looking into my daughter’s eyes at a very young age - a few weeks, months - telling her how much I loved her and how much I wanted her in my life. All types of comments shape a child’s body image - not just messages about their bodies.

4. Can you give an example of how to turn a negative thinking pattern into a positive one?
   • Encourage individuals to focus on the wonderful things their bodies do for them. Think of your body as a powerful tool and make a list of all the wonderful things you can do with it. Again, think about those individuals you love and admire who are different shapes and sizes.
   • Encourage children to be inquisitive, critical thinkers and not just accept things at face value. Rather than preventing children looking at magazines, encourage them to look at magazines and ask questions - “Why do they touch up the models’ photos?” “Why do they use young models to wear adult women’s clothing?” “Do I really like the way this model looks or is that what I’m being told I’m supposed to like?”
   • Learn to question messages portrayed in the media - magazines, television.
   • Each time you catch yourself or someone else saying something negative about yours or their body, replace it with three positive comments.
   • Don’t limit what you can do in life by your body size. Let others see you doing things - moving your body - regardless of body size.
   • Exercise and body movement are great ways to counteract negative body talk.
   • Stop using the scale to determine your worth. Don’t emphasize certain numbers on a scale. Your weight doesn’t define who you are as a person.
   • Stop comparing yourself to others. Being unique is what makes our world a wonderful place!
   • Compliment yourself frequently. Make a game of it: e.g. Every time I see a red car today I will say something positive about myself.
5. The holidays are almost upon us, which means that talk of how to avoid gaining weight and New Year’s resolutions will be, too. How do you recommend we deal with all the advice?
   • Stay away from “good food, bad food” talk. Remember it’s all about moderation.
   • Encourage individuals to set resolutions that are non body-size-based. Instead, set goals that are “body movement” based. Make resolutions that are geared toward feeling good about your body now - not when you lose five pounds.
   • Surround yourself with people who have healthy relationships with their bodies, food and weight.
6. Anything I haven’t asked that you’d like our readers to know about having a healthy body image or fat talk free week?

   Everything we do or say can impact another individual. Oftentimes, we think we are only our own worst enemy. However, at any given moment we are saying or doing something that can influence how another individual thinks about him- or herself. Pass good body talk and feelings along. Each of us makes a difference.