You'd Be So Pretty If....

The title of this blog post sounds a little terrible, right? I actually ripped off the title from the name of a book that I recently came across!! And for the record, the book is anything but terrible :). Dara Chadwick has written a book called You'd Be So Pretty If...: Teaching Our Daughters to Love Their Bodies--Even When We Don't Love Our Own, and she also writes a blog with the same title. She recently posted a few tips for modeling positive body image that I want to share because I think they are great. I would also like to point out that even if you are not a mother, or you are a mother and do not have daughters, this information is still really applicable. We may not have daughters (who are therefore influenced by the views we have of our own bodies), but we certainly impact the people in our lives (especially and specifically other women) based on the ways that we see ourselves. It is interesting to consider how learning to accept ourselves can actually help others to accept themselves as well.

So, while this may sound easier in theory than in practice (like a LOT of things!), here are five things that you can try (compliments of Dara Chadwick), that no matter how you feel about your body, may help you learn self-acceptance, as well as model it to others!

1: Silence the Critic. If you tend to say negative things about your body, criticize certain features you dislike or are not comfortable with, or make jokes about yourself, stop. Whenever you notice that you are doing this, stop yourself.

2: Act "as if." Imagine how you might feel or act differently if you were your ideal size or shape. Would you participate in different activities? Say hello to more people? Buy a certain style of clothing? If so, act out your feelings or engage in those activities and see if you notice a change in how you feel or how others respond to you. (Hint- you most likely will!)

3: Choose one thing. Focus on making one healthy choice each day- whether it is eating your breakfast, taking the stairs up one floor instead of the elevator, etc..

4: Be OK with change. Focus on being the healthiest, most content version of yourself that you can be. We all change as we get older, and as we go through different life experiences, our bodies change. Appreciating what our bodies do for us, considering the purposes that our arms/legs/hips/etc serve, and recognizing how functional they are can help us to accept our bodies/body parts rather than criticize them.

5: Find your own body image role models. Find women who model a healthy, positive attitude that you admire and respect. Maybe it's Scarlett Johansson, Kate Winslet, a friend who exudes confidence and charm, or a friend whose personal style you admire. By holding up a role model of unattainable perfection, we struggle to accept ourselves because we are never able to reach this ideal.

While change is often tough because it requires extra effort, energy, and a lot of extra thought, I believe it is worth it. It is worth it for us to accept ourselves, to feel good about ourselves and our bodies, and to encourage other women (friends, sisters, daughters) to accept themselves as well. For more on Dara Chadwick, follow this link.

Join the Ralph Lauren Boycott~

One of the blogs that I follow is called Constance's Blog. Constance Rhodes is the founder of Finding Balance, which is a faith based non-profit that exists to create awareness about 'eating disorders not otherwise specified' (EDNOS, as it is often referred to) and disordered eating. For more information on her organization and website, follow this link and this link!

What I particularly enjoy about her blog is that various writers take turns blogging, and each have different backgrounds, struggles and perspectives, so the posts are always interesting as well as challenging. Today, Constance wrote about a time-sensitive boycott that is currently going on and I wanted to share her post with you so that you can participate in it if you would like.

You may or may not remember the recent hoopla in the media surrounding the model who was ridiculously photoshopped in a Ralph Lauren advertisement- the length of her head from ear to ear was wider than her waist!! Like most of you, I have seen the image and there are NO words to describe how awful it is! Darryl Roberts, who made a documentary called America the Beautiful (I've been meaning to post about him and his documentary!), has called for a boycott of Ralph Lauren. Why did he launch a boycott? This is what Constance blogged about today and I would encourage you to read it! You can read it by following this link. I have also copied and pasted it below for your convenience!

Hi friends. I know it’s been a long time since I posted and I have soooo much to tell you, but right now I want to ask you a personal favor.

If you care about the millions of women who are struggling with their body image, and if you believe that media images are a contributing factor to this problem, please go NOW to the ATB Boycott Ralph Lauren page on Facebook and add your name to the list.

If they can get 10,000 names by THIS FRIDAY, Dec 11, they can start a media blitz like we’ve never seen before.

The image below is what got it all started. Shocking, right? I mean, beyond just “skinny imaging.” It’s absurd. Normally we abstain from featuring potentially triggering imaging, but we can’t just bury our heads in the sand and ignore the absurdity of what we’re being told we must embrace as “fashion.”

It’s got to stop. And the guy who started the boycott (Darryl Roberts of “America The Beautiful” fame) is THE guy who can make it happen. But not without all of us.

You can make a difference by adding your name to the boycott.

Don’t plan to do it later. Do it now. And help start a revolution that has been a long time coming.

PS. AFTER you sign up, click to read the Huffington Post article about how Ralph bumped ATB off CNN to talk about the story. With 10,000 signatures we’ll get our shot yet!

The Body Image Project

Body image has been on my mind a lot lately. I feel like no matter where I go, who I talk to, what I'm watching on TV or reading, it seems that I have been encountering a barrage of fat talk and concern over weight and bodies. Yes, I may be more aware and sensitive to such topics than the average person, as I do therapy with many women who have eating disorders. But my observations about body image lately are those that go well beyond my work. I have felt the intensity of the media's powerful communication of messages through images (and otherwise) and have really been at a loss. It seems that our culture is so saturated with the value of beauty = skinnyness, and it is difficult to avoid unless you hunker down and go live in a cave! How did we get here? That question has been occupying a lot of space in my thoughts recently.

Let me be the first to say that we ALL struggle with body image- no one is immune from waking up, putting on a pair of jeans and sometimes just not feeling great! It happens to all of us. But when our feelings about our bodies, and our looks, determine how we truly feel about ourselves and our worth, or they influence our moods and the course of our days, this is troubling territory that we enter into. Body image and weight are idols in our culture and in order not to be ruled by these idols, we need to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12!).

In my flurry of thoughts lately about body image, I have gotten stuck wondering why things are the way they are. That is probably a topic for another post :), but I decided that maybe a more productive question to ask is where we go from here. Certainly determining a course of action requires considering the previous path, but I wanted to shift the focus towards action. I have struggled and tried to brainstorm ways to begin to change the current tide- all well beyond my capabilities at this point. Sometimes the degree and depth of change that needs to happen feels so overwhelming, especially when approaching this issue from a big picture perspective! What I realized when I stepped back a little bit is that small changes can facilitate larger changes, and starting out small is important! I came across a great website this week: The Body Image Project. The goal of this organization is to "reframe body image and enable everyone, everywhere, to discover and celebrate the real you." It may sound a little cheesy.. But the momentum behind this movement speaks to the very nature of the issues I have raised. Small changes often help to facilitate larger changes, and reaching one person at a time is often how collective change ultimately happens. If we can each focus on working towards discovering and celebrating ourselves, as opposed to comparing ourselves to others, then perhaps this is a good place to start.

The Body Image Project can be accessed online by following this link. I would encourage you to take a look at some of the videos that they feature (access them here). Men and women have courageously shared their own body image tales to inspire and encourage you on your own journey to embracing you. The videos are definitely worth watching, and they add new ones each month. Below is a video that The Body Image Project has created that I encourage you all to watch as well- you can click on the Look at You//The Body Image Project to watch. Change begins with one person inspiring another, and that person inspiring another. If anything, maybe these videos or stories will inspire you to begin loving yourself or will inspire you to share this site with someone else who may benefit.

Look at you // The Body Image Project from Body Image Project on Vimeo.

EXTREMES!

One thing that I tend to mention a LOT on this blog is the impact that the media has on our perception of beauty, as well as body image. The media communicates powerful messages about beauty and it is important for us to be able to discuss and challenge these messages as we see them. I just read a great post that Lee Wolfe Blum made on her blog (You, Me and ED) and I wanted to share it- I think that she has some great things to say about the media's messages. I have posted the content of her blog below- I hope you enjoy it. You can also access her post (and blog) by clicking here.

EXTREMES!

Last night after a 12 hour day working with eating disorder patients I was anxious to chill on the couch and watch some brainless TV. The only options were:

1. The biggest Loser

2. Victoria’s Secret Fashion show

Really? Is this what our society has come to? On one show you watch people working as hard as possible to lose weight. The other show looked like a runway of anorexics. We live in a society of extremes don’t we?

Bad or Good.

Fat or Skinny.

And these extremes are pounded in our heads through the media.

So I ask you to consider as I do…what is the truth? The TRUTH is that God made bodies of all different shapes and sizes.Yep he did. We are not a one-size-works for all! And did you know that only 1% of the population has the genetic make-up to look like those Victoria’s Secret models! The rest of em…my guess is they are starving themselves. I had to laugh at one model's quote that came out today, One Angel, Selita Ebanks told the New York Daily News, "It's all about creating the illusion of this amazing body on the runway. People don't realize that there are about 20 layers of makeup on my butt alone."

And how about Heidi Klum who just had her 4th baby? She is not normal. Do you hear me. Not normal. Watching her walk down that runway and having people gush, "oh and she just had her 4th baby!" How about the millions of women who just gave birth who think they can look like her..then they become entrapped in Pregorexia! (Pregorexia is A condition where a pregnant mother is obsessed with being thin)

So what do we do with this land of extremes? How do we navigate it all? I encourage you to work towards body acceptance. Look at your body and when you aren’t living in extremes (over-eating or under-eating) what is your body shape, body size when you eat in moderation, exercise in moderation, and still enjoy life? Your body will find its homeostasis. And by not living in extremes your metabolism will level out. The yo-yo dieting, the overeating, the extremes will mess it all up. The key really is BALANCE and MODERATION!!

So I turned those shows off, grabbed my book and curled up in my bed. I don’t need the media putting images in my mind. I just want to be the person I was meant to be. I want to feel good about who I am. I want to walk down the street and scream out “I AM OK WITH ME DESPITE WHAT THE WORD TELLS ME TO BE!” . . Not the person Victoria’s Secret tells me to be. BUT ME. With my imperfections, stretch marks, and flaws. Me at the weight I was meant to be at! That makes me REAL!

So – join with me in learning to love and accept yourself for who you are. don’t buy those magazines that fill your head with unrealistic images, watch shows that give you unrealistic ideas, or play around with your diet because of the latest trend! If you are still struggling with eating issues...please get help! Take care of yourself. Do the things you love. Spend time with friends and family. Those are the things in life that matter!!

Happy Living!

Lee

Popsicles and PreSchoolers

The other day, I witnessed a pretty funny thing. I was at the gym, and I noticed two girls who looked to be about 6 years old. They were fully dressed in cute, girlie school clothes, walking on treadmills. Oh- and they were eating popsicles. Seeing this made me laugh at first- but then my rational side kicked in and I wondered how in the world they got there and I wanted to know where in the world their parents were! I watched them as they walked side by side, and panicked when they began walking on the same treadmill together; they migrated from machine to machine and even attempted to lift weights! To conclude their workout, they took some medicine balls and began trying to do crunches- but stopped and began trying to jump over them as though they were playing leap frog (all while each eating a popsicle). At first I just thought that they were cute, but the longer I watched them I started feeling a little weird about it. It was clear that they were intent on exercising, even though they were spending two minutes on one machine, then hopping onto another, then another. I guess it was their determination that seemed funny- they must have gotten some kind of message about exercise that led them to want to participate. Whether messages from family, culture or the media (or a combination of all three!), it is likely that multiple sources influenced (and continue to influence) these girls. In many ways, an act like theirs is child-like and innocent- similar to a little girl mimicking her mother by playing dress-up or putting on makeup. But in light of something that I read a day or so after encountering these popsicle-eating girls working out, I have started to wonder just how innocent the whole thing really was.

According to a recent study, nearly half of all 3 to 6 year olds worry about being fat (!!!). A study done at the University of Central Florida revealed that 31 percent of the girls surveyed almost always worry about being fat, while 18 percent sometimes worry about being fat. What we know about body image and young girls is that when young girls have poor body image and worry about their weight, they are much more likely to suffer from an eating disorder. The researchers in this study believe that TV is one of the strongest influences on a young girl's body image, as the media portrays a standard of beauty which often breeds conformity to this standard. I also think that another very strong influence is a girl's mother. If a young girl sees her mother obsessing over food, her weight or exercise, she will certainly pick up on this and will likely follow suit. Or, if a mother has poor body image, a daughter might adopt some of the same ways of viewing her own body. This is not to say that when a girl develops an eating disorder or has poor body image that her mother is to blame; however, it is important to recognize the impact that your own body image can have on your daughter's. Children are smart- never underestimate the power of modeling healthy choices and healthy self-esteem!

So what to do??? Here are a few ideas: Discuss perceptions of beauty- what is realistic and healthy, and what is not. Initiate discussions about the way that the media alters images via photoshop and other methods while you are watching TV or viewing other media together. Affirm qualities and skills that you see in your daughter/friend/sister, rather than focusing on appearance. A great resource that I have mentioned before is Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty. Follow this link to read more about what Dove is doing to help build self-esteem and positive body image in young girls. To view their website and to access tools and online workshops, follow this link.