You'd Be So Pretty If....

The title of this blog post sounds a little terrible, right? I actually ripped off the title from the name of a book that I recently came across!! And for the record, the book is anything but terrible :). Dara Chadwick has written a book called You'd Be So Pretty If...: Teaching Our Daughters to Love Their Bodies--Even When We Don't Love Our Own, and she also writes a blog with the same title. She recently posted a few tips for modeling positive body image that I want to share because I think they are great. I would also like to point out that even if you are not a mother, or you are a mother and do not have daughters, this information is still really applicable. We may not have daughters (who are therefore influenced by the views we have of our own bodies), but we certainly impact the people in our lives (especially and specifically other women) based on the ways that we see ourselves. It is interesting to consider how learning to accept ourselves can actually help others to accept themselves as well.

So, while this may sound easier in theory than in practice (like a LOT of things!), here are five things that you can try (compliments of Dara Chadwick), that no matter how you feel about your body, may help you learn self-acceptance, as well as model it to others!

1: Silence the Critic. If you tend to say negative things about your body, criticize certain features you dislike or are not comfortable with, or make jokes about yourself, stop. Whenever you notice that you are doing this, stop yourself.

2: Act "as if." Imagine how you might feel or act differently if you were your ideal size or shape. Would you participate in different activities? Say hello to more people? Buy a certain style of clothing? If so, act out your feelings or engage in those activities and see if you notice a change in how you feel or how others respond to you. (Hint- you most likely will!)

3: Choose one thing. Focus on making one healthy choice each day- whether it is eating your breakfast, taking the stairs up one floor instead of the elevator, etc..

4: Be OK with change. Focus on being the healthiest, most content version of yourself that you can be. We all change as we get older, and as we go through different life experiences, our bodies change. Appreciating what our bodies do for us, considering the purposes that our arms/legs/hips/etc serve, and recognizing how functional they are can help us to accept our bodies/body parts rather than criticize them.

5: Find your own body image role models. Find women who model a healthy, positive attitude that you admire and respect. Maybe it's Scarlett Johansson, Kate Winslet, a friend who exudes confidence and charm, or a friend whose personal style you admire. By holding up a role model of unattainable perfection, we struggle to accept ourselves because we are never able to reach this ideal.

While change is often tough because it requires extra effort, energy, and a lot of extra thought, I believe it is worth it. It is worth it for us to accept ourselves, to feel good about ourselves and our bodies, and to encourage other women (friends, sisters, daughters) to accept themselves as well. For more on Dara Chadwick, follow this link.

A Few More Thoughts- Girls and The Triple Bind

In my previous post, I wrote about girls losing their sense of self and the importance of helping them to see their worth and value by creating circles of protection around them. I came across a book this week that I wanted to share because I think that it complements some of these ideas. It is called The Triple Bind, which Dr. Stephen Hinshaw, the author, says is a term that represents a triple threat to young girls-- societal expectations, cultural trends and conflicting messages. He states that young girls are growing up in a momentous time- they have more opportunities than ever, but also more pressure than ever. He says that they are not only expected to excel at 'girl skills' (friendships, relationships, empathy, etc), but with increased opportunities, there is an expectation for them to achieve the same things that boys have historically succeeded in (sports, demanding careers, etc), AND do both while looking perfect in the process. That is a LOT to live up to.. It is no wonder girls are struggling to cope these days! Hinshaw states that by the age of 19, 1 in 4 girls will have either developed major depression, made a suicide attempt, participated in self-harming behaviors such as cutting, or practiced binge eating or other eating disorders. I would be surprised if this number were not higher.. For more information on his book, access Hinshaw's website here.

The Chicago Tribune published an article back in April about Hinshaw's book and made the point that any parent who has a daughter may want to read this book because regardless of age, all girls face these struggles today. The article, which can be read here, suggests that parents have a large role in helping their daughters develop healthy identities. So, as parents, what are some practical ways that you can help your daughter? I received an email in response to my last blog post asking a similar question as to what action to take to help young people navigate these pressures. An excerpt of the email is below:

Helping teenagers find their voices is also the reason I'm working towards teacherhood. I am aware of the difficulties facing young women, but as a public school educator, and a male one at that, what can I do to help specifically address these issues?

This is a great question. While the roles of parents and teachers are certainly different, I think there are a few suggestions that Hinshaw writes about that apply to both. First, encourage girls (as well as boys) to be discerning and critical of the media and the messages that are portrayed. Second, and this relates more to parents, spend quality time together over dinner; eating dinner together, while tough for many families to practice, has been shown to reduce the risk of eating disorders, as well as depression and drug/alcohol use. Third, encourage girls to volunteer and be involved in the community- whether it be community service, or involvement at church, being involved in something greater than yourself often helps one to gain a sense of purpose through a higher calling in your life. Talking and communicating with your daughters is SO important- talk to them and get feedback about the kind of support that they may need or want. Being able to communicate is so crucial, for both you and your daughter. For a few more pointers and helpful suggestions, follow this link to read some tips for communicating about body image, compliments of the Girl Scouts.

The Rules of "Normal Eating"

Karen R. Koenig's book The Rules of "Normal Eating" is a great book for anyone who has struggled with dieting, overeating, undereating, emotional eating and anything in between, as the cover of her book (pictured to the left) attests:). There are few books that address the variety of topics that she does in her book, of which include challenging irrational beliefs about food, eating, weight and our bodies. She identifies the differences between physical and emotional hunger, and outlines intuitive eating.

The four rules of eating that she says define a 'normal eater':

1- You eat when you are hungry.

2-You choose foods that you believe will satisfy you.

3-You stay connected to your body and eat with awareness and enjoyment.

4-You stop eating when you are full or satisfied.

While this list looks like a fairly simple set of rules to follow, it is much more difficult if you struggle with disordered eating or an eating disorder. Because eating issues and food struggles are not about food, the underlying issues must always be addressed in order for 'normal eating' to occur. For this reason, Koenig encourages the reader to reframe his or her fears and concerns about food and the rules of 'normal eating' -- she walks the reader through this process. If you do struggle with food issues, it is likely that therapy or some kind of support will be a necessary part of the healing and recovery process because reframing fears (along with other issues, such as control, etc) takes time and hard work. However, it is important to have books and resources that help you along on this journey. For more information on 'normal eating' according to Karen Koenig, visit her website at http://www.eatingnormal.com!

**The four rules were taken from page 20 of her book...

Orthorexia

When most people hear about eating disorders, they typically think of anorexia, bulimia, and maybe even binge eating disorder. Binge eating disorder (BED) is receiving more attention lately than it has in the past--and as a side note, Cynthia Bulik, the Director of the UNC Eating Disorders Program, recently wrote a great book on binge eating called Crave that is worth checking out.

Anyways, what you may not know is that the way in which these eating disorders present themselves can differ from person to person. We are always learning more about eating disorders as research is being done, and recently, there have been an increasing number of discussions about a variation of anorexia called orthorexia. To be clear, orthorexia is not defined as its own type of eating disorder-- it is not included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Orthorexia is different from anorexia in its motivation, in that one who is orthorexic is not necessarily trying to lose weight or be thin; rather, one is trying to eat as healthfully as possible. As with all eating disorders, the underlying causes go much deeper than a desire to be thin or to be healthy.

Orthorexia, as defined by the National Association of Eating Disorders (NEDA), is a "fixation on righteous eating." Dr. Steven Bratman is responsible for coining this term, and he describes it as a "pathological fixation on eating proper food." Basically, the idea is that one becomes so obsessed with consuming healthy food, and refuses to eat anything but food that is of a high purity and quality. This may even apply to how a food is packaged. There is often an obsessive compulsive quality that accompanies this type of eating behavior. Most residential facilities that treat eating disorders treat orthorexia and are educated about this form of anorexia. For more information on orthorexia, follow THIS LINK.

Also, visit THIS LINK to read NEDA's information about orthorexia.

Life Without ED

Today's post is dedicated to a book that I think anyone who has ever struggled with an eating disorder (or is currently struggling with one) should read.  Jenni Schaefer, a musician/author/activist, has written this book with the help of Thom Rutledge, a therapist who has counseled her throughout her recovery.

Jenni shares pieces of her personal journey, while also sharing how she has recovered from/learned to manage her eating disorder. She writes about how she has learned to do this with the help of her therapist, who encouraged her to separate herself from her eating disorder, which she affectionately nicknamed ED. 

On her personal website, she has a great page devoted to eating disorder resources/links. Follow this link to check them out. Jenni also has a new book coming out entitled Goodbye Ed, Hello Life.  This book not only focuses on recovery, but the freedom and joy that comes from complete recovery of an eating disorder. She provides hope and encouragement in both books through sharing her experiences and acting as an example that recovery from an eating disorder is possible and that life in recovery can be lived with joy and peace!!