Operation Beautiful

A lot of girls play dress-up when they're little. It's fun to dress up and pretend to be glamourous. I know when I was little, getting the chance to play around with make-up, high heels and princess dresses was definitely a special thing. However, I don't really remember looking up to anyone in the media and idolizing them. I know that I watched TV, and I wasn't a completely sheltered kid. But I don't remember having the kinds of 'role models' today that many young girls do (like Hannah Montana, etc). For example, I was at Target the other day, checking out, and there were two five year old looking girls with one of their mothers. They were looking at all of the magazines on display and kept screaming, "Ooohh Taylor Swift, I love her, she is so pretty. She is so lucky that she is dating [so-and-so]." All I kept thinking was- how do they know this stuff? Haha. I mean, I watch TV and read up on celebrity gossip from time to time but it just seemed weird to me that they knew so much about Taylor Swift. It just dawned on me how different things are for children who are growing up now, and how much more intense, accessible and available media is for people of all ages.

I guess the concerning thing to me is that when girls this young are exposed to an ideal standard of beauty as dictated by Hollywood, they are shaped from this young age to view beauty as what they see on the covers of magazines. The issue is not that young girls should not think Taylor Swift is beautiful, or that magazines are horrible. I actually love Taylor Swift and think she is a good role model for young girls- she appears to be gracious, hard working, and humble- all things that make one beautiful. The issue to me is that if young girls (as well as women of all ages) are not seeing people of all shapes, sizes and colors, etc, in the media that are regarded as beautiful, then it is likely they will view beauty very narrowly. And, beauty is not just about looks! How many times have you met someone that is physically attractive or beautiful, and then they spoke or acted in such a way that made them unattractive to you? As much as it is a cliche, beauty (in Hollywood) is only skin deep! In a world where already 'beautiful' people are getting plastic surgery to enhance their image, the messages that are sent to women about beauty are not necessarily healthy or positive.

Someone recently shared with me about a really amazing movement going on that is called Operation Beautiful, which aims to help people embrace their beauty. The mission of Operation Beautiful is to end fat talk, which involves talking about weight, lamenting over the width of our thighs (or any other body parts), and comparing ourselves to others! The tag-line on their website is "Ending Fat Talk One Anonymous Post-It At A Time." They encourage people to leave positive, encouraging, anonymous notes in random places- public restroom mirrors in schools, restaurants, etc- to be seen by random people. (An example from their site: When the world says 'give in', stay strong! You are a fighter. You are beautiful. Have a great day!) They encourage people to leave the website address on the note so people can go to the site and find out more about Operation Beautiful. The site is awesome in that people share personal stories about how they have been impacted by an anonymous note, as well as the impact that leaving notes around for people has on them. This is such a great pro-active way to encourage people and to end fat talk. The person who told me about Operation Beautiful leaves anonymous post-it notes in the diet/health section at Barnes and Noble. What a great idea!! The reason I love this so much is that so often it is difficult to know how to do little things that positively impact people in a significant way- and this is an example of something that is super easy to do but that makes a big difference.

For more information on Operation Beautiful, follow this link. And view this video below for more information and to be inspired by what they are doing!

Saying No to Labels

After the Golden Globes last week, the New York Times fashion blog 'The Moment' called out (by name) certain actresses who appeared to be 'rounder.' The title of the article was Now Scrutinizing--A Rounder Golden Globes... how gross! While there are a million things that I want to say about that, in the interest of time, I will focus and try to be brief! The irony in such an article, of course, lies in the fact that all of the actresses named have been criticized at one time or another for being too thin. Mixed messages much? : )

Courtney Cox happened to be one of the women that was singled out for looking 'rounder' and her husband, David Arquette, publicly responded yesterday to the ridiculous comments that were made. Here is what he had to say-

"Writing articles about people that put on weight is just wasting space for real news," he told Fox News' Pop Tarts. "And who really cares? I love round people, I love skinny people. I love people in general; we've got to get past labels and stop being so critical about everything."

Well said. I love how he chose to respond. How is it that in a world where some really serious things are going on (think Haiti, healthcare issues, Afghanistan, ...) that any news publication is writing about actresses' weight fluctuations? That is just such an indicting commentary on what the majority of our culture values. While this article was in fact written on a blog, it is still associated with the New York Times.

Maybe even more noteworthy though is what Arquette said about labels. We really do have to get past labels, and our obsession with labeling ourselves and others. When you think about the people in your life that you care about, that you love, the people that have had the greatest impact upon you... you cannot sum them up in a label, nor would you want to. If we were to do that, we would miss out on SO much! When we find that we are tempted to view others or ourselves as a label and judge accordingly, maybe we can step back for a minute and ask what purpose this behavior is serving, and if it is helpful. To label anyone (including ourselves) does a great disservice to all. Our hearts cannot be labeled. We are so much more than our height, our hair color, our weight, our shoe size, ... so let's be sure to focus on the depth that makes us each unique and beautiful.

Mixed Messages and Making Moves..

This morning, I read a really thought provoking blog entry on True/Slant (which is a blogazine--kind of like a magazine, but a blog... umm, i might have made up that word!!). The author, Katie Drummond, was discussing Katherine McPhee's recent bikini cover on Shape magazine. McPhee, who gained fame after appearing on American Idol, has publicly discussed her past struggles with bulimia, and her experience of being admitted to treatment for three months prior to going on the show in order to focus on getting healthy. Ms. Drummond takes aim at Shape Magazine for putting a recovered eating disorder patient clad in a bikini (and airbrushed!) on its cover, as well as at McPhee for posing in a bikini and perpetuating unrealistic images of beauty after struggling herself with feeling pressure as a result of viewing similar unrealistic images in the media. Ms. Drummond's article is entitled A Lesson in Health Hypocrisy and she explores the hypocrisy that exists in this scenario. Her blog entry is a little angsty, but I appreciate the passion with which she writes because I think that by posing in a bikini for a magazine which happens to advertise 'drop a pound by Friday' on its cover, McPhee- and Shape- are sending some pretty mixed messages.

I wonder if McPhee, or Shape, or the media in general realize the impact that they are having on women by sending such mixed messages. I am not pointing the finger at McPhee (well, maybe I am a little), but she says in the article that doing six different 'moves' changed her body. This sets an alarm off to me. It's not that exercising is wrong, or trying to be healthy or fit is wrong, but it concerns me that her happiness and acceptance of her body are a result of the changes she has made to her body. It just sends the wrong message to women about where our happiness comes from. Again, the point is not to bash McPhee. I just think it is important to raise awareness and discuss some of these things that we become numb to, because whether we know it or not, these images impact us! While there is not one single cause of eating disorders, and while seeing unrealistic images of women's bodies do not cause eating disorders, these images can be a precipitating factor, when combined with a genetic predisposition and certain environmental factors.

A month from now, NEDA (the National Eating Disorder Association) is sponsoring National Eating Disorders Awareness Week--- February 21-27. I will be posting more information as this week draws nearer, but I wanted to mention it in light of what I read this morning on True/Slant. Rather than just venting about the media and that magazine cover, or discussing how things could or should be different, it is helpful to think forwardly and focus on what we can do to make some changes! One simple thing that I have mentioned before is using GoodSearch! This is a search engine, just like google, that donates money to nonprofits of your choice before you perform each search. You can donate to eating disorder nonprofits, as well as a bunch of other great organizations. Follow this link to find out more. The second thing that I wanted to mention is something that I read on NEDA's website the other day. Marilyn Wann, author of Fat? So!, developed an art activity for people to participate in that deals with transforming the numbers on scales to adjectives! Confused? The Boulder Youth Body Alliance (BYBA), a nonprofit that seeks to encourage teens to change the world, rather than their bodies, has encouraged teens to participate in this activity by turning scales into art. I love this idea and think it must be really empowering for women of all ages to take part in something like this! Follow this link to view pictures/examples of scales as art, and to read more about what BYBA is doing!

Loving What is Real....

One of my all time favorite children's books is The Velveteen Rabbit. While it definitely brings back visions of tricycles and My Little Pony, this book was read to me often before bedtime and I had such an affection for this story. I remember one year for Christmas I received the newest edition of this book, along with a stuffed animal that was supposed to be the Velveteen Rabbit. It was one of my favorite gifts. As I have gotten older, and have gained a little bit of life experience since my days drinking out of a sippy cup, I still appreciate this book because I think its message transcends the playground.

The Velveteen Rabbit is more than a story about a boy and his stuffed animal; it is a parable that echoes a desire that we all have in our hearts to be loved and to be accepted as we are. At one point in the book, the Velveteen Rabbit has a discussion with the Skin Horse, another toy, about his fear that he will not be special or loved by the boy. The Velveteen Rabbit longs to be special, and believes that his experience of being accepted and loved will make him Real, which will ultimately give him validation. The following is a short excerpt of one of my favorite parts, in which the Skin Horse is talking to the Velveteen Rabbit about becoming Real:

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

The Velveteen Rabbit

The reason that I love this part so much is because it extends to more than just toys. We get mixed messages today about beauty, and what is required of us to fit in, to be accepted, to be admired, to be loved, to be beautiful. This certainly extends to our bodies, and the expectation that exists for us to be a certain size or shape in order to be perceived as beautiful. At the risk of sounding like a tired cliche, I think what makes us beautiful goes way beyond our appearance. And that is one reason why I love this book so much- it illustrates the idea that our character and experience is what makes us beautiful, and that people love us most when we are being the most authentic versions of ourselves. Our experience, our age, our resilience all make us real and make us beautiful!

As we try to navigate what is real in our culture today, we must decide how we define beauty and choose to base our standard on things that are different from what the media might tell us. One organization that is doing a great job of exploring beauty and educating young girls about self-esteem is Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty. I have mentioned this organization more than once (follow this link, or this one to read more) because I think that the resources that they provide for young girls and women are wonderful. Whether you have body image struggles or not, whether you have an eating disorder or not, I think we can all relate to the message behind the Velveteen Rabbit of wanting to be loved and wanting to be accepted just as we are. I read a quote the other day that has stuck with me, and I will leave you with it.. In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."

Love Yourself.

I just read this opinion piece on CNN.com about dieting and wanted to highlight it because it is definitely worth the read (and it fits in especially well with all my recent posts about dieting and New Year's resolutions!!). Dr. Leo Buscaglia's quote above is also one that you may want to go back and re-read a few times after you read this article as well! Anyways, the author of this piece, Dr. Divya Kakaiya, is a psychologist who has been treating eating disorders since 1985; she is also the clinical director and founder of Healthy Within, an eating disorder treatment center in San Diego. Her main premise in this article: don't diet. While she writes from the perspective that dieting mothers do not set a good precedent for their children, whether or not you are a mother does not make this article more or less relevant. I would encourage everyone to check it out. You can follow the link above, or read it below. Enjoy! :)

Welcome to 2010. What is your New Year's resolution? Are you planning on investing more money into the annual $40 billion dieting industry? If so, please think again.

As we start our work week, many of us are looking in the mirror and saying "Yuck. I feel fat, uncomfortable and need to go on a diet."

Dieting and the language of "fat" have become so normal that we don't think twice before we say, "I have to go on a diet, I have gained so much weight."

If we are parents of teenagers, we may as well be saying to them, "Change yourself, fix your body. You're not perfect and never will be." Is this how we want to empower our youth?

You spend countless hours raising your child with the values of honesty, integrity and the importance of the work ethic. But if you are dieting and complaining about how fat you are, you could be putting your teenager at risk for an eating disorder. As a psychologist who has been treating eating disorders since 1985, I worry that there could be a connection between dieting parents and teenagers who develop anorexia or bulimia.

The 6-year-old girl who is watching her mother suck in her stomach in front of the mirror is going to look at her belly poking out and immediately think that she is fat.

How awful that we just inadvertently planted the seed of lifelong discontent with her body into the innocent mind of a 6-year-old.

We have to be mindful of what we really want to emphasize as important. In this quick-fix world of Botox, plastic surgery and fad diets, our children are not being taught how to tolerate discomfort and how to work hard and patiently.

"Now" is the demand word that parents feel compelled to cater to. We could be creating a generation of self-obsessed, narcissistic children. Do we really want them to feel that the glamour of "Gossip Girl" is the goal of their lives? We must draw the line by examining our own core values.

The majority of us know that the quick fix is not going to work, yet we feel compelled to throw ourselves into the despair of broken diets, broken resolutions, broken promises and worse, a pervasive sense of shame that attacks the core of our being.

We are so inundated with messages that are constantly redefining what is healthy that in our confusion we forget what is normal eating and a healthy, balanced lifestyle.

The "diet monster" gobbles up our self-esteem and makes us return to that unfaithful lover again and again, only to drop more money into that $40 billion pot. We could use that money to educate millions of brains each year, better our schools, reduce poverty and attend to our elderly.

Of course, eating healthily and staying active are very important. But of those who lose weight through dieting, 98 percent gain it back again in two years. Diet is a four-letter word that begins with "die." Isn't that ominous enough?

This year, create an intention not to diet.

When you do this, you are consciously rejecting the appearance-obsessed, materialistic culture that inundates us. An intention to honor your soul instead of your appearance -- to choose to give back in the community, volunteer, give time to the elderly -- will make you feel stronger.

Instead of spending time counting calories or going obsessively to the gym, donate those hours to a shelter for abused women. Love your body. This year, make it your intention to teach your teenager to reject the appearance-obsessed world she lives in and have her give her heart instead of changing her body.

Caution: This approach might make you start to love your body and you may waver on your New Year's resolution to lose weight!

As January unfolds, we are going to be blasted with commercials from multiple sources, with each one touting a permanent relief. The net result of these commercials is to get us to continue to hate our bodies so that these diet companies can make money off our body hatred.

There is also a political reason for women to be held to a high "thin" standard of perfection. We are then no longer a threat to anyone who wants power. "Body Wars" keep women in their place and are economically driven.

Let us assert our power by rejecting the dieting mantra, and standing our ground.