Turkey Day Anxiety: Part 1

Thanksgiving is rapidly approaching- it will be here in just a few days.. which is kind of hard to believe! It seems like time is flying by, doesn't it? Sometimes it is difficult to know how to prepare for the holiday season because it sneaks up on us so quickly and it is a time that elicits very mixed emotions- excitement, stress, happiness, sadness, irritation, hopefulness, etc.. There are so many different reasons for the range of emotions that are typical at this time of year, but I think the NY Times said it best today in an article entitled Food, Kin and Tension at Thanksgiving:

For Thanksgiving dinner, what side dish would you prefer to accompany your turkey — a serving of well-marinated conflict over how much or how little you eat, or some nice, fresh criticism of your cooking skills?

As awful as that sounds, you kind of have to laugh because there is a lot of truth in such a statement. Whenever families gather together around the holidays (as well as for other celebrations or events), tension and stress are not an uncommon part of the experience. What can add to that stress is the fact that Thanksgiving in our culture has become a food holiday- and if you have struggled with any kind of food issue- anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, disordered eating- even being a picky eater- then the stress can be overwhelming. Or, if you have a loved one who has dealt with any kind of food issue, then you also experience stress at the thought of how to behave and what to say or what not to say come meal time. It can be a tough time for all parties involved.

I am going to provide a few suggestions for how to approach Thanksgiving in light of some of these stressors, but I am going to do that in another post- soon to follow and before Thanksgiving! So check back. In the meantime, read the rest of this article from today's NY Times by following this link. PS- my favorite local hero, Cynthia Bulik, is quoted. She is popping up everywhere these days and that makes me so happy.

Facials, Kate Moss and About-Face

One thing that I really enjoy in life is a good facial. They are surprisingly relaxing and do wonders for moisturizing your skin :). I was getting a long overdue facial yesterday afternoon, and Angela, the greatest esthetician in the tri-state area (call Mina's in Chapel Hill to get an appointment with her- I'm a big fan of Mina's and apparently Tyler Hansborough is also, who I saw getting his haircut there once..) mentioned that she had been reading my blog. We had such a great conversation about the myths/misperceptions about eating disorders, and the way that our culture and the media deal with the issue of weight and appearance. It was so refreshing to hear her express some of her thoughts, and to hear a voice speaking truth about eating disorders as mental illness- because that is what they are.

As our conversation evolved, we began discussing the comments Kate Moss made recently in an interview that she has since been getting blasted for in the media for making (we were probably mid-facial at this point- haha). For those of you who are unaware of what she said, I hate to bring it to your attention- but when asked if she has a slogan which she lives by, she answered "nothing tastes as good as thin feels." Not only was this comment irresponsible, as she is a public figure whom society/the media/the fashion world has deemed beautiful, and who many women look up to and aspire to be like, she is a mother to a 7-year old girl. The implications of her comments are extremely damaging in more ways than I can count. This is a slogan which has inspired many pro-anorexia websites, and is just a very, very destructive way for anyone's thoughts or actions to be guided. Not to mention the values that such a statement reflects. She has since said that her words were taken out of context- and while I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt, I am not sure how those words in any context might mean something different.

Just to be clear, the point of this blog post is not to demonize Kate Moss. I guess it just got me thinking about the media's response to her comments-- I just googled her name and 'her slogan' together, and 487 news articles have been written since she made these comments a few days ago. What I find ironic about this is that the media, who has pretty unanimously rebuked her for making these comments and have said what a horrible influence she is for essentially encouraging and endorsing eating disordered thoughts and behaviors, is also the same source who made her a household name by splashing her unattainable and sickly image everywhere. I think its a very indicting commentary on the mixed messages that the media dispels. What it seems to me that the media communicates is that the explicit message (her slogan) is not acceptable, but the implicit message (how she looks, appears, etc) is. It is a very confusing dichotomy, and one that continues to perpetuate unhealthy body image and unrealistic expectations and standards for young girls and women of all ages.

If you recognize and identify with what I am talking about in regards to the confusing ways the media projects values, I recommend that you check out a website called About-Face. This is an organization whose mission is to "equip women and girls with tools to understand and resist harmful messages that affect self-esteem and body image." This site is not solely for females- if you are a male, you certainly interact with females (as friends, sisters, daughters, wives, girlfriends, etc) and would benefit as well. You can access the site by clicking here. For 10 helpful tips on ways that you can work towards challenging these mixed messages and empowering yourselves and others, follow this link.

A Few More Thoughts- Girls and The Triple Bind

In my previous post, I wrote about girls losing their sense of self and the importance of helping them to see their worth and value by creating circles of protection around them. I came across a book this week that I wanted to share because I think that it complements some of these ideas. It is called The Triple Bind, which Dr. Stephen Hinshaw, the author, says is a term that represents a triple threat to young girls-- societal expectations, cultural trends and conflicting messages. He states that young girls are growing up in a momentous time- they have more opportunities than ever, but also more pressure than ever. He says that they are not only expected to excel at 'girl skills' (friendships, relationships, empathy, etc), but with increased opportunities, there is an expectation for them to achieve the same things that boys have historically succeeded in (sports, demanding careers, etc), AND do both while looking perfect in the process. That is a LOT to live up to.. It is no wonder girls are struggling to cope these days! Hinshaw states that by the age of 19, 1 in 4 girls will have either developed major depression, made a suicide attempt, participated in self-harming behaviors such as cutting, or practiced binge eating or other eating disorders. I would be surprised if this number were not higher.. For more information on his book, access Hinshaw's website here.

The Chicago Tribune published an article back in April about Hinshaw's book and made the point that any parent who has a daughter may want to read this book because regardless of age, all girls face these struggles today. The article, which can be read here, suggests that parents have a large role in helping their daughters develop healthy identities. So, as parents, what are some practical ways that you can help your daughter? I received an email in response to my last blog post asking a similar question as to what action to take to help young people navigate these pressures. An excerpt of the email is below:

Helping teenagers find their voices is also the reason I'm working towards teacherhood. I am aware of the difficulties facing young women, but as a public school educator, and a male one at that, what can I do to help specifically address these issues?

This is a great question. While the roles of parents and teachers are certainly different, I think there are a few suggestions that Hinshaw writes about that apply to both. First, encourage girls (as well as boys) to be discerning and critical of the media and the messages that are portrayed. Second, and this relates more to parents, spend quality time together over dinner; eating dinner together, while tough for many families to practice, has been shown to reduce the risk of eating disorders, as well as depression and drug/alcohol use. Third, encourage girls to volunteer and be involved in the community- whether it be community service, or involvement at church, being involved in something greater than yourself often helps one to gain a sense of purpose through a higher calling in your life. Talking and communicating with your daughters is SO important- talk to them and get feedback about the kind of support that they may need or want. Being able to communicate is so crucial, for both you and your daughter. For a few more pointers and helpful suggestions, follow this link to read some tips for communicating about body image, compliments of the Girl Scouts.

Disordered Eating: The Disorder Next Door

In a previous post, I mentioned a website called Finding Balance that specifically addresses disordered eating. Finding Balance is an awesome faith-based nonprofit whose goal is to provide resources, support, information and encouragement for those struggling with disordered eating. The creator, Constance Rhodes, was inspired by the statistics of a study published in SELF magazine in 2008. The article in SELF, which discussed these statistics, was entitled Disordered Eating: The Disorder Next Door.

The article begins by stating that 6 in 10 women are disordered eaters, and 1 in 10 have eating disorders. This means that 70 percent of women struggle with food issues!! And I actually think that this number is even higher. Here is an excerpt from the article:

Eating habits that women think are normal—such as banishing carbs, skipping meals and, in some cases, even dieting itself—may actually be symptoms of the syndrome. Although disordered eating doesn't have the lethal potential of anorexia or bulimia, it can wreck your emotional and physical health, says Cynthia Bulik, Ph.D., director of the eating disorders program at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and SELF's partner in the survey. And it's everywhere, afflicting women like your sister, your friend, your coworker—or you.

The online SELF survey garnered responses from 4,000 women ages 25 to 45 to a detailed questionnaire about their eating habits and found that most disordered eaters fall into one or more of six categories. Calorie prisoners are terrified of gaining weight, tend to see food as good or bad and feel extremely guilty if they indulge in something that's off-limits. Secret eaters binge on junk food at home, in the car—wherever they won't be found out. Career dieters may not know what to eat without a plan to follow; despite their efforts, they're more likely than other types to be overweight or obese. Purgers are obsessed with ridding their body of unwanted calories. Food addicts eat to soothe stress, deal with anger, even celebrate a happy event; they think about food nearly all the time. Extreme exercisers work out despite illness, injury or exhaustion and solely for weight loss; they are devastated if they miss a session. Bulik explains that many disordered eaters piece together a painful mix of destructive habits. Others may shift between categories over the years, ricocheting from restricting to bingeing to purging, for instance.

The article goes on to provide examples and illustrations of these different types of disordered eaters. One of my favorite quotes in this article from Cynthia Bulik, (who has been on Rachel Ray, the Today Show, etc and who is a local hero of mine, who I love), stands out--"Imagine what women could accomplish if they spent that time and energy on things other than body issues." This is SO true! I am not going to pretend that it is easy to change your thoughts and simply make this happen. This often requires some form of therapeutic intervention, or distraction skills and tools, or other coping methods. But think about what we could do to change the world with all of the energy, effort, emotion and thoughts that go into our struggles with food! Just think of the possibilities:)

To read this article in SELF magazine's May 2008 issue, click HERE. And for more info on Finding Balance, follow this link to explore the website and click here to see my previous post on it.

Teen Girls Living on One Meal a Day?

I was at the mall this weekend, doing some shopping and I happened to notice that the entire side of the wall lining the escalator was advertising a new FDA approved non-surgical type of liposuction. There was a life-size picture of a very thin woman's lower-body in jeans, with her bare stomach exposed. My first thought- UGH, really?? So wrong. Is that really necessary?? My second thought- of course there is a huge ad about liposuction that is in plain view for everyone walking around the mall to see-- it is a commentary on our culture and a reflection of what society values. It made me sad. How do we expect and encourage young girls (and young boys), as well as adults (!!) to have healthy body image and a healthy view of what is beautiful if we are being bombarded by images and messages like this?

It kind of provides some context for some recent statistics regarding teenage girls and their eating habits. According to a recent poll, one in ten girls aged 14 and 15 are skipping both breakfast and lunch. For those of you who are math challenged like me, that is ten percent of girls!!! Most of the girls surveyed believed that they were overweight, even if they were not. Amongst a younger set of girls, aged 10 and 11, 40 percent believe they need to lose weight. 10 year olds should be riding their bikes and playing with their friends, enjoying life- NOT spending time loathing their bodies, or thinking that they need to lose weight. To read more about the results of this poll, follow THIS link.

Regardless of our age, when we repeatedly receive messages and see images about what our bodies should look like, we begin to think that we need to conform in order to be beautiful and accepted. This (of course) is a lie- however, young girls are seeing these images and taking in these messages being communicated and are reacting in ways that are not healthy. This is why there is such a need for prevention, as well as change!! This is what makes DOVE's Campaign for Real Beauty (click here to read more on that) such a great effort to help young girls build confidence and self-esteem and healthy body image. It is so important to be able to recognize the lies that we see and call them out as such. Whether you are a parent, a friend, a boyfriend/husband, have a conversation about these images, messages, advertisements, etc. with your daughter, friend, girlfriend/wife when you see or hear them. To act as if they are okay or normal is to perpetuate the cycle. We cannot control the messages that we receive, but we can control how we respond; to respond by challenging them and not believing lies is tough, but so crucial if we want to live the life of freedom that God has intended for us.