Circles of Protection

The other night I went to an event where I heard Becky McDonald speak. Becky McDonald is the founder of Women at Risk International (WAR), a nonprofit organization that serves women at risk around the world. Her goal in creating this organization was to create circles of protection around young women who are at risk of being sold into slavery and trafficking, as well as to rescue women from these situations, empower them, and communicate the message that they were created for purpose and dignity. She has a passion for giving young girls and women a voice and has worked hard to bring healing to women in over 18 countries.

Helping women (and especially adolescent girls) to find their voice is something that I have been passionate about for a long time. It is one of the reasons that led me to become a counselor. The context in which this has played out is pretty different than that which Becky speaks of, however, I believe that her message is especially relevant for the women and girls that I work with. Her message of God's hope and healing is one that we all need to hear, regardless of our circumstances or what we have been through.

So often, young girls in adolescence begin to lose their voices as they worry more and more about fitting in. They may pretend not to like certain things, or they may pretend TO like certain things. Sometimes girls silence their voices so much that they lose their sense of self; they hardly remember what they like, what they think or what they want. Many girls that have eating disorders experience feelings of powerlessness, and with powerlessness comes a silencing of the self. Other self-harm behaviors, such as self-mutiliation or cutting, are becoming more prevalent in the lives of young teenage girls as they seek to deal with their emotions and their inability to express who they really are for fear of not being accepted.

As a quick aside, To Write Love on Her Arms is a nonprofit that is dedicated to providing hope and light to people who are struggling with depression and self-harming behaviors, which are both so common in girls with eating disorders. Apparently, November 13 is To Write Love on Her Arms Day, although my source for this is facebook :). Whether or not this is a sanctioned day of awareness is pretty insignificant to me- I think any day is a good day to raise awareness-- and because it is November 13 and the theme of this post is giving girls a voice, I wanted to make sure to mention this. To read more about this organization and what they are doing, follow this link.

Creating circles of protection around young girls in our society is SO crucial- whether it is to protect them from slavery, or from cultural messages about body image, or both. How do we create circles of protection around girls? By restoring dignity, showing them their purpose, empowering them through education and skill building, as well as working to impact change on a large scale through advocacy. For more information on Women at Risk, visit www.warinternational.org.

Teen Girls Living on One Meal a Day?

I was at the mall this weekend, doing some shopping and I happened to notice that the entire side of the wall lining the escalator was advertising a new FDA approved non-surgical type of liposuction. There was a life-size picture of a very thin woman's lower-body in jeans, with her bare stomach exposed. My first thought- UGH, really?? So wrong. Is that really necessary?? My second thought- of course there is a huge ad about liposuction that is in plain view for everyone walking around the mall to see-- it is a commentary on our culture and a reflection of what society values. It made me sad. How do we expect and encourage young girls (and young boys), as well as adults (!!) to have healthy body image and a healthy view of what is beautiful if we are being bombarded by images and messages like this?

It kind of provides some context for some recent statistics regarding teenage girls and their eating habits. According to a recent poll, one in ten girls aged 14 and 15 are skipping both breakfast and lunch. For those of you who are math challenged like me, that is ten percent of girls!!! Most of the girls surveyed believed that they were overweight, even if they were not. Amongst a younger set of girls, aged 10 and 11, 40 percent believe they need to lose weight. 10 year olds should be riding their bikes and playing with their friends, enjoying life- NOT spending time loathing their bodies, or thinking that they need to lose weight. To read more about the results of this poll, follow THIS link.

Regardless of our age, when we repeatedly receive messages and see images about what our bodies should look like, we begin to think that we need to conform in order to be beautiful and accepted. This (of course) is a lie- however, young girls are seeing these images and taking in these messages being communicated and are reacting in ways that are not healthy. This is why there is such a need for prevention, as well as change!! This is what makes DOVE's Campaign for Real Beauty (click here to read more on that) such a great effort to help young girls build confidence and self-esteem and healthy body image. It is so important to be able to recognize the lies that we see and call them out as such. Whether you are a parent, a friend, a boyfriend/husband, have a conversation about these images, messages, advertisements, etc. with your daughter, friend, girlfriend/wife when you see or hear them. To act as if they are okay or normal is to perpetuate the cycle. We cannot control the messages that we receive, but we can control how we respond; to respond by challenging them and not believing lies is tough, but so crucial if we want to live the life of freedom that God has intended for us.

Every BODY is Beautiful...

Each year, NEDA (the National Eating Disorders Association) holds an online auction to raise money to support individuals and families affected by eating disorders. This year is NEDA's 5th Every BODY is Beautiful Online Auction and bidding begins today! Bidding is open until December 2, so you have an entire month to peruse and bid on any of the items. Items are added each week and range from vacations to donated items, such as signed books, etc... If you would like to donate an item or know someone who might, you can do so by clicking here. Or, if you would like to browse the items that have been added to the auction thus far, click here.

For more on NEDA, access their website here. By clicking on this link, you can watch NEDA's video story, a recent public service announcement that was put out, and also media from their 2009 campaign. They are each powerful, check them out!

Q & A with Julie Holland : )

I got really excited when I came across this interview on PsychCentral.com with Julie Holland because I really like Julie-- aside from being a great person, she knows her eating disorder stuff. She is the Director of Certification for IAEDP (the International Association of Eating Disorders Professionals) and currently works for the Eating Recovery Center in Denver. Anyways, Julie spoke to PsychCentral.com about fat talk, self esteem, and other related topics, as October 19-23 was Fat Talk Free Week (to learn more about Fat Talk Free Week, check out my post here). She has some very good things to say, especially regarding helpful advice for parents on how to help their children have positive body image. The following interview is copied and pasted below but can be accessed on PsychCentral.com by clicking here.

Q&A with Julie Holland

By MARGARITA TARTAKOVSKY, M.S.
October 20, 2009

Julie Holland, MHS, CEDS, is recognized in the industry as both a clinician and public speaker. A certified eating disorders specialist, she has directed marketing and customer relationship management programs at several leading eating disorder treatment programs across the country. Ms. Holland has specialized in the treatment of self-esteem, eating and body image issues for adults and adolescents for more than 23 years. She is a Certified Eating Disorders Specialist and Director of Certification for the International Association of Eating Disorders Professionals, as well as an Approved IAEDP Supervisor.

1. How does fat talk affect one’s self image?

   Fat talk brings a sense of negativity toward how individuals think about themselves and their body. It can also affect how individuals relate to others.

2. What are several things parents can do to improve their child’s body image?
   • Be accepting of all body types rather than labeling one as the “best.” Encourage children to think about people they admire and love who are different body sizes and shapes.
   • Be positive about what our bodies do for us rather than placing so much emphasis on how they look.
   • One of the most important things a parent can do is be a positive role model - be positive about your own shape and size. Do not talk negatively about your own body or constantly complain about needing to change your body to fit a perceived ideal.
   • Think about statements you make and make sure what you are saying is a positive influence. For example, girls who are tall are often told “you are so big!!!” when what individuals really mean are “wow, you are really tall for your age.” Follow it up with a positive statement like “I bet you love being tall!” Otherwise, it can be perceived as negative.
3. At what age should you start talking to your kids about body image?

   From birth on. I remember looking into my daughter’s eyes at a very young age - a few weeks, months - telling her how much I loved her and how much I wanted her in my life. All types of comments shape a child’s body image - not just messages about their bodies.

4. Can you give an example of how to turn a negative thinking pattern into a positive one?
   • Encourage individuals to focus on the wonderful things their bodies do for them. Think of your body as a powerful tool and make a list of all the wonderful things you can do with it. Again, think about those individuals you love and admire who are different shapes and sizes.
   • Encourage children to be inquisitive, critical thinkers and not just accept things at face value. Rather than preventing children looking at magazines, encourage them to look at magazines and ask questions - “Why do they touch up the models’ photos?” “Why do they use young models to wear adult women’s clothing?” “Do I really like the way this model looks or is that what I’m being told I’m supposed to like?”
   • Learn to question messages portrayed in the media - magazines, television.
   • Each time you catch yourself or someone else saying something negative about yours or their body, replace it with three positive comments.
   • Don’t limit what you can do in life by your body size. Let others see you doing things - moving your body - regardless of body size.
   • Exercise and body movement are great ways to counteract negative body talk.
   • Stop using the scale to determine your worth. Don’t emphasize certain numbers on a scale. Your weight doesn’t define who you are as a person.
   • Stop comparing yourself to others. Being unique is what makes our world a wonderful place!
   • Compliment yourself frequently. Make a game of it: e.g. Every time I see a red car today I will say something positive about myself.
5. The holidays are almost upon us, which means that talk of how to avoid gaining weight and New Year’s resolutions will be, too. How do you recommend we deal with all the advice?
   • Stay away from “good food, bad food” talk. Remember it’s all about moderation.
   • Encourage individuals to set resolutions that are non body-size-based. Instead, set goals that are “body movement” based. Make resolutions that are geared toward feeling good about your body now - not when you lose five pounds.
   • Surround yourself with people who have healthy relationships with their bodies, food and weight.
6. Anything I haven’t asked that you’d like our readers to know about having a healthy body image or fat talk free week?

   Everything we do or say can impact another individual. Oftentimes, we think we are only our own worst enemy. However, at any given moment we are saying or doing something that can influence how another individual thinks about him- or herself. Pass good body talk and feelings along. Each of us makes a difference.

Remuda Ranch (and Twins!!)

From time to time, we have reps from eating disorder treatment centers that stop by our office, or meet with us over lunch to tell us about their facilities, treatment modalities, etc... And because we specialize in treating eating disorders, we often end up referring a fair number of clients to treatment centers, so it is helpful to spend time with representatives so that we have good information and know the kind of service and treatment that we are recommending to our clients when we refer them somewhere. One of my favorite places (shameless plug because I did contract work there for awhile) is Carolina House- www.carolinaeatingdisorders.com. Check it out- it is fabulous!! I will share more about the Carolina House in another post, but for now, I want to share a little about Remuda Ranch. A rep from Remuda stopped by our office today and I wanted to share a few things that stood out to me.

First, I love that Remuda Ranch is a Christian based treatment center. While they accept clients of all faiths, their therapists are all Christians. About 3 years ago, Remuda was bought out- while they have loosened up on some of their Christian focused rules (they no longer require chapel attendance, for example), they still maintain a Christian focus, which I think is great. Second, they admit teenagers!! It is difficult to find residential treatment for eating disorders (especially locally) for teenagers and adolescents. Hospitals, like UNC, will admit teenagers, but for many parents, the thought of having their child in a residential type setting is easier to handle than having them in a hospital. Also, I was astounded to learn that Remuda will admit patients as young as 8 years old! It is SO sad that girls as young as 8 years old are struggling with eating disorders. The rep that came to our office, Michele, said that they got a call recently about a 7 year old needing treatment. How devastating.

Remuda, aside from individual/family/group therapy, offers equine therapy, as well as canine therapy. They also place a large focus on life after treatment and offer an equivalent of a sober living facility/halfway house program called LIFE for clients who have completed treatment. There are currently two locations in the US- Arizona and Virginia. To learn more about the different treatment and programs offered, visit Remuda's website at www.remudaranch.com.

Remuda Ranch was recently in the news (http://www.reuters.com/article/pressRelease/idUS118833+13-Oct-2009+PRN20091013) reporting that they have seen an increase in the number of twins that are suffering from eating disorders. I remember watching an episode of Intervention awhile back (great show on A&E that makes me cry every time I watch it) that featured a set of identical twins that were struggling with anorexia. If you aren't familiar with the show, the family of the featured people stage an intervention and persuade them to enter into treatment. The set of twins featured on the show went to Remuda in Virginia; when the show aired, they were doing well and were healthy. It was a very moving episode and very inspiring to see them recover.