Jenni Schaefer on Recovery

It's been a busy few days for me and it's time for bed, but I read a great piece today on eating disorder recovery written by Jenni Schaefer that I want to point you all to! It is a pretty challenging read for those of you who may be contemplating giving up your eating disorder, for those of you who are in recovery, and for everyone in between. Follow this link to check it out, or see below for a copy/pasted version.

Eating Disorder Recovery: Easier On The Other Side

If you are waiting for recovery to be easy, pull up a chair. You will be waiting for a long time. Ed (aka “eating disorder”) will gladly sit by your side and wait with you. To sabotage your success, Ed will even act like he supports certain aspects of your recovery.

If you like to read, Ed will say, “Just read this book about recovery, and you will be fine.” He will let you read the book, and congratulate you on doing it, but he won’t let you follow any of the guidance inside that will actually help you.

If you enjoy being around people, Ed will say, “Go to that therapy group, and get some help there.” Ed will let you go to the group, and may even let you participate, but he won’t let you talk about what you really need to talk about in order to heal.

If you like to surf the Internet, Ed will say, “Here’s a great website for you. Go ahead and join the online recovery forum.” He will let you join the online forum, and he will convince you that logging on is more important than eating.

Books, groups, and online resources can all be very helpful tools in your recovery. Just remember that recovery takes full commitment and real action. Real action is not simply opening a book, walking into a group room, or logging onto some website.

If you read a book about recovery, fully commit to the ideas in it that will make a difference in your life, not just the things that are easy to do. If you are in group therapy, talk about the issues that, deep inside, you know you need to discuss. If you are active in an online recovery community, use the positive support from online pals to hold yourself accountable to taking real action in your recovery. It’s not enough to just look at the tools—you really do have to use them.

Real action means drastic change. It also means realizing that Ed will sit by your side and try to sabotage you every step of the way. Ed will even use content from recovery books, groups, and websites to try to fuel his cause. Be aware of this and guard against it, and do what the books, groups, and websites suggest that is pro-recovery. Now that’s action.

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, “Half measures availed us nothing.” If you only do eating disorder recovery half way, at most, you will get a half way recovery from your eating disorder. In my experience, you won’t even get that.

During early recovery, I believed that insight would inspire change. I thought that if I just knew enough about eating disorders, and understood myself, I would get better. I learned as much as I could from all of the resources available to me, and I waited for a magical change. I waited for the urge to binge to just go away. I waited to fall in love with my body. I waited for my fear of food to simply subside. And Ed waited right along with me.

I waited. I waited, and I waited some more. I would still be waiting today if intense pain had not pushed me into taking some real action. In my personal experience, pain and discomfort have most often been the motivating factors to get me to change. (For the record, I don’t think it has to be this way. That is why I write about my experiences. I hope that other people won’t have to reach the same level of pain I did before making changes.)

In my recovery, taking action meant tackling the food directly. I stopped purging after bingeing. I also did my best to not binge, which meant tolerating uncomfortable feelings (to say the very least). I ate without restricting. My body changed accordingly, and I felt awful. I felt so bad that I told my mom many times that I would rather be dead than to live that way any longer. I hated the way my body was changing, and I hated how it made me feel inside even more. I felt like a different person entirely --- someone I didn’t know or like. I felt trapped.

When we fully commit to recovery, we are signing up for hurt. Full commitment means we no longer make decisions based on how we feel in the short run (turning to Ed for immediate gratification), but instead we make decisions based on our long-term goals of health and a full recovery. In the beginning, success can actually feel fat and miserable. So stop waiting for things to be easy and start looking for the hard part. Tackling the difficult, ironically, is when the “easy” will find you. If you push through the pain and move all the way to the other side, you won’t have to keep facing the same hurt over and over again. You will be well on your way to freedom.

Life is, in fact, much easier on the other side of the eating disorder. I am not afraid of food, I don’t get the urge to binge, and I love my body. Yes, I said “love”! Today success feels strong and joyful, no longer fat and miserable. I can’t wait for you to get to this point, too.

And you can’t afford to wait either! So, stop waiting and start changing.

Appointed to the Ambassador Council of the National Eating Disorders Association, Jenni Schaefer is a singer/songwriter, speaker, and author of Life Without Ed and Goodbye Ed, Hello Me. She is a consultant with the Center For Change in Orem, Utah. For more information, visit www.jennischaefer.com.

I read a great blog entry a few days ago on parents, adolescents and body image-- topics that have been on my mind a lot lately due to the nature of my work! For parents who are trying to navigate the rough waters of a child or teenager who is struggling with an eating disorder and poor body image, it can be daunting and difficult to know how to respond. For this reason, I often recommend a great book to parents called The Parent's Guide to Eating Disorders, written by Marcia Herrin and Nancy Matsumoto. I had a chance to ask Dr. Herrin a few questions which I will share with you below; she happened to also write the blog entry that I mentioned. Whether or not you are a parent, I think this information can be helpful because you likely have parents yourself, or parental figures in your life, or maybe you know young adults, children or teenagers that you work with, mentor, teach, volunteer with, etc.. While some of this info may not apply directly, some of it can be adapted to encourage healthy attitudes with food. To access the blog that Dr. Herrin writes with Nancy Matsumoto (who is doing some exciting work with athletes and eating disorders that I look forward to sharing with you soon), follow this link- the blog entry is copy and pasted below as well.

Watch Dieting and Bad-Body Talk in front of your Kids

In brand-new, not yet published research, my friend and colleague Dianne Neumark-Sztainer and colleagues at the University of Minnesota and the University of California, San Diego have found that messages from parents about weight and body image have a significant effect on adolescent body image. I have worked with a number of families in which a child, usually a daughter, is all of a sudden worried about her weight triggered by a parent who is dieting and/or talking a lot about how much she (or he--dads can have an affect here too) doesn’t like her body. I tell parents that if they are going to diet, DON”T TALK ABOUT IT!! in front of the kids. Dianne’s group also found that when parents when parents eat well, overweight teens tend to follow their example. Watch for this study: Family Weight Talk and Dieting: How Much Do They Matter for Body Dissatisfaction and Disordered Eating Behaviors in Adolescent Girls? in next issue of the Journal of Adolescent Health.

I think that it is important to point out that parents are not to blame for eating disorders!- however, there are ways that a parent can impact her child for the better and support the child in such a way that is effective! I had the awesome opportunity to ask Marcia Herrin, a nutritionist specializing in working with eating disorders and weight issues, a few questions, and wanted to share some of the helpful tips that she suggests for parents. Dr. Herrin is very respected in the eating disorder field- she founded the Dartmouth College Eating Disorders Prevention, Education and Treatment Program. She has a masters in public health as well as a doctorate in nutrition education. She currently runs a private practice and works with children and adults struggling with eating disorders and weight issues. For more information on Marcia, follow this link.

Me: You and Nancy have partnered together in your book The Parent's Guide to Eating Disorders. This book provides a lot of very helpful information for parents who may be worried about their children's eating attitudes and behaviors. If you could share two or three helpful tips for parents raising children, what might you say to them to help them to encourage healthy attitudes about food?

Marcia: Do not comment on your child's weight. Eat together as a family as often as possible. Do not talk about dieting or weight issues (yours or anyone else's) in front of your child. Do make sure lunch and dinner meals include protein and dessert.

Me: If you are a parent who suspects that your child is struggling with food, whether an eating disorder or disordered eating, what steps might you encourage them to take to help their child?

Marcia: First call your child's doctor or your area's most respected expert for their assessment of the situation. Then talk directly (calmly and kindly) to your child about your concerns and observations. Let them know that you are worried but not mad. In our book we say if you are "open, receptive, curious, honest, tentative, and work hard at understanding your child's point of view... no matter what words you use, your chances of success will be greater."

Me: Chapter 8 in your book is wonderful. It touches on body image and the ways that our own body image affects the body image of our children (and by extension those around us). Can you share a little bit about how a parent's negative or unhealthy view of their body or food can affect a child? Do you have any advice for parents who struggle with their body image or self-esteem?

Marcia: "Keep it to yourself" is the advice I give parents about their own struggles with body image or self-esteem. One of the riskiest situations is when a child observes one parent teasing the other about their weight or eating habits. Parents, even if they struggle to believe it themselves, need to preach "it is not what you look like that matters; it is who you are as a person and what you do."

Me: You write about PAMS (Parent-Assisted Meals and Snacks) and appear to have much success with this model, which has been adapted slightly from the Maudsley method. Can you share the heart behind this method and the success that you have seen with teenagers that you have worked with?

Marcia: One strength of PAMS comes from "saving face." When parents take over responsibility for the eating disordered child's food, the child has to eat even if she doesn't want to. She doesn't have to give up her eating disorder. She can relax knowing her parents aren't going to let her starve to death. She doesn't have to agree to eat, she is made to eat. PAMS helps parents know what and how much to feed their child. Some parents can figure this out on their own, but PAMS helps parents who are stressed and overwhelmed by their child's eating disorder hit the ground running with an approach to food that works. I have been in the field of eating disorders for nearly 25 years and I have never seen any other technique turn an eating disorder around as dramatically as PAMS does.

For more information on PAMS and other related topics, check out The Parent's Guide to Eating Disorders. If you are a parent who struggles with body image or food, the most important thing that you can do for your child is to work towards being healthy yourself! Whether that means seeking out a nutritionist, a therapist, or a consultation with your doctor, it is critical for you to be the very best you that you can be, for you and for your children! When Marcia says 'keep it to yourself' regarding your struggles, she means do not talk to your children about it. But it is okay and vital to talk about it with professionals, friends and family members if you are dealing with these feelings and behaviors.

The FREED Act

There used to be a character on Saturday Night Live named Stuart Smalley, who was the host of a fake self-help show (pictured above-haha). I never really watched it because I was young when it was on, but I have seen highlights of it on different SNL highlight shows. Anyways, the character in this sketch is obsessed with twelve-step programs, and is involved in a number of them. He isn't a trained therapist, just someone who is trying to overcome his own addictions and help others on this same journey. His famous line, as you can see from the picture above, is something that he would look in the mirror and repeat to himself as a positive affirmation: "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone it, people like me!" He had many catchphrases that poked fun at 'psychobabble' and self-help lingo. He even turned this sketch into a movie called Stuart Saves His Family--I had to watch it for a class once and write a paper on it :-).

Anyways, in an ironic twist of fate, Al Franken, who played the role of Stuart Smalley, is known also for his political work- he is currently a senator in the state of Minnesota and is advocating for eating disorders! Amy Klobuchar, also a Minnesotan senator, and Tom Harkin, a senator from Iowa, have teamed up to introduce a new bill which Franken is sponsoring. This bill is called the FREED Act (Federal Response to Eliminate Eating Disorders) and it's goal is to "allocate research money to the National Institutes of Health to better investigate the causes of eating disorders and improve treatment methods. The research would also seek to improve public data on eating disorders, including morbidity and mortality rates." This quote was taken from an article published in The Minnesota Daily and the article in its entirety can be read here. The gist though is summarized in a quote Franken gave to the paper- he said, "We don't know nearly enough about diagnosing, treating and preventing these diseases. [This] legislation is a major step forward in understanding eating disorders and how to stop them from destroying lives."

To put things into perspective, the NIH (National Institutes of Health) allows $1.20 towards research per person with an eating disorder, contrasted with $159 towards research per person with someone who has schizophrenia (whose prevalence is significantly less). That is pretty staggering!! Last week was lobby day for the Eating Disorders Coalition, and this was an exciting day for eating disorder advocacy! I have no political agenda that I push when I write my blog- however, I think it is important for us to know the facts and to be educated, and to be able to act if we feel moved to do so! To read more on this act and what it aims to do, follow this link. If you are interested in finding out how YOU can advocate for increased eating disorder funding for research, prevention and treatment, follow this link to write to your Congressperson!

Who is the Biggest Loser Anyways??

I have a love/hate relationship with the Biggest Loser (well, it's mostly hate- haha! although hate is kind of a strong word but you get the picture...). I watched it a few times last year, but haven't really watched it since. Not because i actually hate it but more because I'm just not sure how comfortable I am with the whole concept of the show! I am all for getting fit and healthy, but I just don't know how healthy a process is that involves three to four hours of exercise a day. Seems just a little compulsive. But that's not the point right now haha. The point is that I read an article that I really enjoyed and wanted to post it for those of you who may be interested. It challenges the flawed cultural ideal that happiness=thinness, and uses the Biggest Loser to illustrate this point. I want to apologize to all my favorite friends and family members who love this show who may be upset with me for talking trash about the Biggest Loser, but I promise I'm not judging... Anyone who knows me knows that I love the Hills. And let's be honest, that is much worse. I have yet to comment on Heidi Montag's new face/body--I have been trying to refrain, but it's getting tougher to ignore and one of these days I am sure I will be posting about that..

Anyways, follow this link for the article! Scroll down just a little bit once the link pops up- and you will see the article. Happy reading!

Someday Melissa

There has been quite a bit of media coverage over the last two or three days on the story of Melissa Avrin, a 19 year old girl who lost her battle with bulimia last year. (The cause? A heart attack.) Her mother, Judy, was on the Today show last week and there have been a few articles published recently, all aimed at raising awareness about eating disorders, but also honoring and remembering Melissa's life. Judy has become an advocate and will be lobbying tomorrow April 26, and April 27 in Washington DC to support the FREED Act (Federal Response to Eliminate Eating Disorders Act). To find out more about the advocacy work that you can take part in, follow this link which will take you to the Eating Disorders Coalition site.

But back to Melissa's story- I would really, really encourage you to check out this article, which was published in the New York Times on April 21st. Judy has been raising awareness and speaking out about losing her daughter to an eating disorder over the course of this past year and she is also finishing up a documentary on her life (called Someday Melissa), which she is hoping to have completed by June. Sharing Melissa's story may help to dispel myths about bulimia, as well as connect a face and a story with an illness that is so commonly misunderstood. Melissa was young- 19 years old- and did not survive her battle with bulimia. Her eating disorder took her life, and it is a really heartbreaking story. What is so tragic is that she represents so many who struggle; while many do overcome this battle, there are still some who are like Melissa and are losing their fight. The more that we all can do to raise awareness, provide education, and advocate for more accessible treatment is a step towards saving lives.

To view a trailer of Judy's documentary on Melissa's life, follow this link. It is definitely worth checking out. It is a short, five minute video that is really powerful. Judy found Melissa's journal after she passed away, and after reading through it, was inspired to make a movie that would change peoples lives- as that was one of Melissa's goals that she had journaled about wanting to accomplish someday. Judy is using her grief to advocate, raise awareness and instill hope in the lives of others who are struggling with an eating disorder. If you or someone that you know is struggling with an eating disorder, I hope that Melissa's story may inspire you towards health. You are not alone, and it is possible to beat this disorder with the right treatment! To read different stories of hope and freedom from eating disorders, courtesy of the National Association of Eating Disorders (NEDA), follow this link.