Love Yourself.

I just read this opinion piece on CNN.com about dieting and wanted to highlight it because it is definitely worth the read (and it fits in especially well with all my recent posts about dieting and New Year's resolutions!!). Dr. Leo Buscaglia's quote above is also one that you may want to go back and re-read a few times after you read this article as well! Anyways, the author of this piece, Dr. Divya Kakaiya, is a psychologist who has been treating eating disorders since 1985; she is also the clinical director and founder of Healthy Within, an eating disorder treatment center in San Diego. Her main premise in this article: don't diet. While she writes from the perspective that dieting mothers do not set a good precedent for their children, whether or not you are a mother does not make this article more or less relevant. I would encourage everyone to check it out. You can follow the link above, or read it below. Enjoy! :)

Welcome to 2010. What is your New Year's resolution? Are you planning on investing more money into the annual $40 billion dieting industry? If so, please think again.

As we start our work week, many of us are looking in the mirror and saying "Yuck. I feel fat, uncomfortable and need to go on a diet."

Dieting and the language of "fat" have become so normal that we don't think twice before we say, "I have to go on a diet, I have gained so much weight."

If we are parents of teenagers, we may as well be saying to them, "Change yourself, fix your body. You're not perfect and never will be." Is this how we want to empower our youth?

You spend countless hours raising your child with the values of honesty, integrity and the importance of the work ethic. But if you are dieting and complaining about how fat you are, you could be putting your teenager at risk for an eating disorder. As a psychologist who has been treating eating disorders since 1985, I worry that there could be a connection between dieting parents and teenagers who develop anorexia or bulimia.

The 6-year-old girl who is watching her mother suck in her stomach in front of the mirror is going to look at her belly poking out and immediately think that she is fat.

How awful that we just inadvertently planted the seed of lifelong discontent with her body into the innocent mind of a 6-year-old.

We have to be mindful of what we really want to emphasize as important. In this quick-fix world of Botox, plastic surgery and fad diets, our children are not being taught how to tolerate discomfort and how to work hard and patiently.

"Now" is the demand word that parents feel compelled to cater to. We could be creating a generation of self-obsessed, narcissistic children. Do we really want them to feel that the glamour of "Gossip Girl" is the goal of their lives? We must draw the line by examining our own core values.

The majority of us know that the quick fix is not going to work, yet we feel compelled to throw ourselves into the despair of broken diets, broken resolutions, broken promises and worse, a pervasive sense of shame that attacks the core of our being.

We are so inundated with messages that are constantly redefining what is healthy that in our confusion we forget what is normal eating and a healthy, balanced lifestyle.

The "diet monster" gobbles up our self-esteem and makes us return to that unfaithful lover again and again, only to drop more money into that $40 billion pot. We could use that money to educate millions of brains each year, better our schools, reduce poverty and attend to our elderly.

Of course, eating healthily and staying active are very important. But of those who lose weight through dieting, 98 percent gain it back again in two years. Diet is a four-letter word that begins with "die." Isn't that ominous enough?

This year, create an intention not to diet.

When you do this, you are consciously rejecting the appearance-obsessed, materialistic culture that inundates us. An intention to honor your soul instead of your appearance -- to choose to give back in the community, volunteer, give time to the elderly -- will make you feel stronger.

Instead of spending time counting calories or going obsessively to the gym, donate those hours to a shelter for abused women. Love your body. This year, make it your intention to teach your teenager to reject the appearance-obsessed world she lives in and have her give her heart instead of changing her body.

Caution: This approach might make you start to love your body and you may waver on your New Year's resolution to lose weight!

As January unfolds, we are going to be blasted with commercials from multiple sources, with each one touting a permanent relief. The net result of these commercials is to get us to continue to hate our bodies so that these diet companies can make money off our body hatred.

There is also a political reason for women to be held to a high "thin" standard of perfection. We are then no longer a threat to anyone who wants power. "Body Wars" keep women in their place and are economically driven.

Let us assert our power by rejecting the dieting mantra, and standing our ground.

Dieting is Dangerous?

2010 is in full force, and I have heard a LOT of people talking about wanting to 'get in shape' and start diets. Magazine covers are spilling celebrity diet secrets, and people are doing health cleanses and detox diets to start the year off healthy. (Just for the record, detox diets and cleanses- aside from being dangerous- are kind of silly; the reason that we have a liver is so that our body can naturally process and remove toxins!)

According to this article, dieting is America's most dangerous New Year's resolution. Why are diets dangerous? Well, for one, they can trigger eating disorders in some people. But diets are also ineffective- 95% of diets fail. This likely means that our bodies are not getting what they need- they either receive too little or too much, which has negative health ramifications either way. I wrote a post recently on common diet myths that I want to re-post in light of it being 'diet season'. I think it is important that people have some facts about diets before they embark on one. Below is an excerpt of the post, jumping right in with 7 myths of dieting- if you would like to read the entire post, follow this link.

Myth #1= You will lose weight. This is why most people pursue a diet in the first place, right? It may surprise you, but research shows that in the long run, 98% of dieters actually end up gaining weight. Why? Because the real issues behind food consumption and understanding metabolism are rarely addressed with a diet. And when unhealthy means are used, the weight loss is usually not maintainable.

Myth #2=You will look amazing as a result of your diet. If your goal is to look like someone else, or to look like some of the images that we regularly see on TV, in magazines, etc.. then you are chasing a goal that is not attainable. These images are altered by computers (check out this video for an example- yikes!). What is more is that a diet will not change your facial features, it will not make you taller, it will not make your legs longer, and it will not make your boobs bigger. Sorry:).

Myth #3=Diets are not dangerous. Whenever you restrict or cut out entire food groups (sugar, carbs, fat, dairy, etc..), this is dangerous-- especially for young people. Our bodies require a variety of foods in order to fuel our organs and keep us functioning effectively. Not to mention that studies show that dieting is an indicator of future eating disorders. A girl who diets before she is 14 is eight times more likely to develop an eating disorder. There are many health risks associated with dieting as well, such as weakened bones, dehydration and decreased heart rate.

Myth #4=Certain foods are bad. Often times, when we diet or approach food with a diet mentality, we label food as 'good' or 'bad.' We may even determine what food we consider to be good or bad based upon which particular diet we are on. The fact of the matter is that all foods are created equal and all foods can fit into a healthy lifestyle. There are no bad foods, only bad diets.

Myth #5= Diets give you control. Having a defined set of rules, especially when it comes to food, may convince you that you will be in control of what you put in your mouth. However, what often happens when you eat the same foods, or follow similar rituals each day with food, you begin to crave foods you have labelled 'bad' or 'outlawed.' This can lead to overeating and binges, which ultimately take you to a place you were trying to avoid to begin with. Also, diets usually make you cranky, they tend to decrease your energy, and they leave you feeling tired and pretty irritable. When you get to this point, the diet is controlling you, and you have little control.

Myth #6= Diets are safe and healthy. Maybe a little repetitive (myth #3), but if you chronically diet, you risk potentially altering the natural weight of your body. Over time, if your body weight fluctuates from higher to lower, and lower to higher, your body generally settles at a higher weight than it would have needed to be if it was not altered in the first place. Our bodies become confused, because they do not know if they will get what they need nutritionally, or if they will not receive any food at all. Our metabolisms slow down because our bodies think we are starving. The irony in this is that the exact opposite of what is intended is likely to end up happening.

Myth #7= You need to follow a diet. Here are some healthy guidelines to follow (compliments of Remuda Ranch) that are not diet-centric. Eat a variety of foods in moderation. Having variety allows for you to meet your nutritional needs; we cannot get all we need from one single food, or from a small number of foods alone. Listen to your body, and your stomach. Eat when you are hungry, stop when you are full. You don't need to eat food just because it is in front of you. Find out if you are eating because you are physically hungry or emotionally hungry (more on this to come..).

To conclude, Karen R. Koenig wrote a book called The Rules of Normal Eating. It is an extremely helpful book for anyone who has struggled with chronic dieting, overeating, undereating, emotional eating and anything in between. I wrote a post on her book awhile back and provided some suggestions that she outlines in her book as they relate to 'normal eating.'. Follow this link for more information.

A Walk Down Recovery Lane with Jenni Schaefer

Jenni Schaefer is the author of two books- Life Without Ed and more recently, Goodbye Ed, Hello Me. She is an activist, educator and motivational speaker, seeking to raise awareness about eating disorders. She is also a musician; she writes music and sings! She recently gave an interview (back in November) sharing her thoughts about being in recovery from an eating disorder. Her most recent book, Goodbye Ed, Hello Me is focused on her life post- ED (the name she gave her eating disorder) and her experience of living and loving life without ED! Below is the interview, copy and pasted from November 4th's Planet Blacksburg, the collegiate publication of Virginia Tech.

Q: How would you describe a life of suffering with an eating disorder?

Schaefer: It’s a complicated illness, it doesn’t make sense. I always ate normal when I was around my family. I didn’t really think I had a problem. I knew there was something wrong but didn’t define that as a problem. The denial is so huge in this disease. My friends would comment on my weight, but I thought everyone was jealous. I was lying to myself, not them.

Q: Describe the relationship that you formed with Ed.
Schaefer: I was always depressed. I thought I was never going to get better. My therapist, Thom, kept telling me that was Ed, not Jenni. The eating disorder was my identity. I really thought I was the eating disorder. We label ourselves as the anorexic girl, or the skinniest girl in the world, or the bulimic girl. But that’s not us. And we really grieve when we have to let that identity go.

Q: Your eating disorder started in college. What exactly prompted it?
Schaefer: I have an older brother and a younger brother, and I was the perfect child going to medical school. I appeared to have this perfect life and I always smiled. I knew instantly it was about perfectionism. I was always called ‘Perfect Jenni.’ It was about criticism, and very low self esteem. I realized that my eating disorder helped me control emotions and feelings. I struggled with Ed thoughts at the young age of four. These thoughts grew louder as I grew older. I didn't question the thoughts until I was 22 and at rock bottom.

Q: Who was the first person you told?
Schaefer: I finally got up the courage to tell my ex-boyfriend at the time. I was so ashamed. I was silenced by my eating disorder. I had him tell my parents. I didn’t want anyone to know, not even my brothers. My eating disorder was not going to get better if I stayed silent. I tend to have black and white thinking. That’s part of my recovery, to fight that. Nobody’s going to know, or everybody’s going to know.

Q: How did your family react when they discovered you had an eating disorder?
Schaefer: I remember my mom calling me after she found out I was struggling and getting help. Knowing that my mom went to a library and was trying to learn more showed me that she really cared. Both of my brothers never realized that someone could be struggling with something so deadly, but appear to be so normal. They thought someone with an eating disorder was extremely emaciated like those you see on TV.

Q: One of your famous quotes is, “Never married, but happily divorced.” Can you explain this?
Schaefer: I am divorced from my eating disorder, not a person. I was actually taught by my psychotherapist in recovery to treat my eating disorder as an abusive boyfriend, or husband. Really, that’s how it felt. I felt controlled and abused by my eating disorder. Ed actually had a chair in our therapy sessions.

Q: In your interviews you never discuss your lowest or highest weight throughout your treatment. Why is that?
Schaefer: You can be any size and have an eating disorder. It’s not about food or weight, it’s not about size. That doesn’t matter. It’s really about what’s inside. It’s a huge paradox; it’s not about the food and weight, but it’s all about the food and weight. Definitely don’t talk about specific behaviors. People use numbers as bullets.

Q: Do you believe recovery is possible for all individuals?
Schaefer: It’s a constant process. Recovery is a very long process. But I do believe you can be recovered. Food is something we deal with at least three times a day. It’s not something you can just quit, give up. With an eating disorder, it’s a continuum. It’s something you have to do every day, three times a day. It’s a real struggle to find the balance with food. Food is everywhere. It’s how you celebrate holidays, and it’s how you celebrate birthdays.

Q: Then how were you able to recover?
Schaefer: That is a million dollar question. I think there are so many aspects of eating disorder recovery. For me, it was about using all the resources I had and constantly staying connected to my therapist, to my family, to my doctor, and not isolating. It was also never giving up. Every time I relapsed I had to stand back up again. My favorite quote is, “fall down 7 times, stand up 8.” It’s very, very frustrating and very, very hard. It’s a spiritual process as well. We don’t want to talk about higher power; we hate them because we think they gave us the eating disorder. It was a big disconnect.

Q: Describe this disconnect.
Schaefer: You disconnect with everybody. I had spent 10 years trying to avoid my friends. I alienated all my friends. I’d say, “I am completely self sufficient.”

Q: So how did you reconnect with God?
Schaefer: First of all, I had to just yell. I had a journal about how God hates me, and listed all the reasons. For me, I really had to meet people in my life that were spiritually fit, spiritually healthy; who had a good relationship with God. I had to look to those people as guides and mentors. It’s not what happens to us, but it’s how we respond to it. Use things that happen in a positive way. Turn it around.

Q: During your recovery process, when you would fall into a pit of relapses, how would you pull yourself out?
Schaefer: I fell into relapse often. In fact, it got worse before it ever started getting better. I had to hold onto hope that recovery is possible. Connecting with others always helped.

Q: What inspired you to finally make a change, accept help, and move forward with your life, independent of Ed?
Schaefer: Like I said above, I got help because I hit rock bottom at 22. I was depressed and hopeless. I couldn't function as a productive member of society. I often couldn't get out of bed.

Q: How did you realize that you actually wanted to recover?
Schaefer: I was frequently afraid to let Ed go. Ed was my main way of coping with life. To fully let Ed go, I had to find other ways to deal with life. I also had to be willing to let go of the things I "liked" about Ed. I liked how Ed made me feel special (i.e. being the thinnest one in the room). I had to find other ways to feel special: by just being myself.

Q: What advice would you give to others suffering with Ed?
Schaefer: I can’t emphasize enough the importance of telling someone and getting professional help. Making one phone call; that is such a key to start with. Learning how to love myself was a key. A real key.

For more information on Jenni Schaefer, or to find out more about either of her books, follow this link to access her website. For the original interview, follow this link.

You'd Be So Pretty If....

The title of this blog post sounds a little terrible, right? I actually ripped off the title from the name of a book that I recently came across!! And for the record, the book is anything but terrible :). Dara Chadwick has written a book called You'd Be So Pretty If...: Teaching Our Daughters to Love Their Bodies--Even When We Don't Love Our Own, and she also writes a blog with the same title. She recently posted a few tips for modeling positive body image that I want to share because I think they are great. I would also like to point out that even if you are not a mother, or you are a mother and do not have daughters, this information is still really applicable. We may not have daughters (who are therefore influenced by the views we have of our own bodies), but we certainly impact the people in our lives (especially and specifically other women) based on the ways that we see ourselves. It is interesting to consider how learning to accept ourselves can actually help others to accept themselves as well.

So, while this may sound easier in theory than in practice (like a LOT of things!), here are five things that you can try (compliments of Dara Chadwick), that no matter how you feel about your body, may help you learn self-acceptance, as well as model it to others!

1: Silence the Critic. If you tend to say negative things about your body, criticize certain features you dislike or are not comfortable with, or make jokes about yourself, stop. Whenever you notice that you are doing this, stop yourself.

2: Act "as if." Imagine how you might feel or act differently if you were your ideal size or shape. Would you participate in different activities? Say hello to more people? Buy a certain style of clothing? If so, act out your feelings or engage in those activities and see if you notice a change in how you feel or how others respond to you. (Hint- you most likely will!)

3: Choose one thing. Focus on making one healthy choice each day- whether it is eating your breakfast, taking the stairs up one floor instead of the elevator, etc..

4: Be OK with change. Focus on being the healthiest, most content version of yourself that you can be. We all change as we get older, and as we go through different life experiences, our bodies change. Appreciating what our bodies do for us, considering the purposes that our arms/legs/hips/etc serve, and recognizing how functional they are can help us to accept our bodies/body parts rather than criticize them.

5: Find your own body image role models. Find women who model a healthy, positive attitude that you admire and respect. Maybe it's Scarlett Johansson, Kate Winslet, a friend who exudes confidence and charm, or a friend whose personal style you admire. By holding up a role model of unattainable perfection, we struggle to accept ourselves because we are never able to reach this ideal.

While change is often tough because it requires extra effort, energy, and a lot of extra thought, I believe it is worth it. It is worth it for us to accept ourselves, to feel good about ourselves and our bodies, and to encourage other women (friends, sisters, daughters) to accept themselves as well. For more on Dara Chadwick, follow this link.

EXTREMES!

One thing that I tend to mention a LOT on this blog is the impact that the media has on our perception of beauty, as well as body image. The media communicates powerful messages about beauty and it is important for us to be able to discuss and challenge these messages as we see them. I just read a great post that Lee Wolfe Blum made on her blog (You, Me and ED) and I wanted to share it- I think that she has some great things to say about the media's messages. I have posted the content of her blog below- I hope you enjoy it. You can also access her post (and blog) by clicking here.

EXTREMES!

Last night after a 12 hour day working with eating disorder patients I was anxious to chill on the couch and watch some brainless TV. The only options were:

1. The biggest Loser

2. Victoria’s Secret Fashion show

Really? Is this what our society has come to? On one show you watch people working as hard as possible to lose weight. The other show looked like a runway of anorexics. We live in a society of extremes don’t we?

Bad or Good.

Fat or Skinny.

And these extremes are pounded in our heads through the media.

So I ask you to consider as I do…what is the truth? The TRUTH is that God made bodies of all different shapes and sizes.Yep he did. We are not a one-size-works for all! And did you know that only 1% of the population has the genetic make-up to look like those Victoria’s Secret models! The rest of em…my guess is they are starving themselves. I had to laugh at one model's quote that came out today, One Angel, Selita Ebanks told the New York Daily News, "It's all about creating the illusion of this amazing body on the runway. People don't realize that there are about 20 layers of makeup on my butt alone."

And how about Heidi Klum who just had her 4th baby? She is not normal. Do you hear me. Not normal. Watching her walk down that runway and having people gush, "oh and she just had her 4th baby!" How about the millions of women who just gave birth who think they can look like her..then they become entrapped in Pregorexia! (Pregorexia is A condition where a pregnant mother is obsessed with being thin)

So what do we do with this land of extremes? How do we navigate it all? I encourage you to work towards body acceptance. Look at your body and when you aren’t living in extremes (over-eating or under-eating) what is your body shape, body size when you eat in moderation, exercise in moderation, and still enjoy life? Your body will find its homeostasis. And by not living in extremes your metabolism will level out. The yo-yo dieting, the overeating, the extremes will mess it all up. The key really is BALANCE and MODERATION!!

So I turned those shows off, grabbed my book and curled up in my bed. I don’t need the media putting images in my mind. I just want to be the person I was meant to be. I want to feel good about who I am. I want to walk down the street and scream out “I AM OK WITH ME DESPITE WHAT THE WORD TELLS ME TO BE!” . . Not the person Victoria’s Secret tells me to be. BUT ME. With my imperfections, stretch marks, and flaws. Me at the weight I was meant to be at! That makes me REAL!

So – join with me in learning to love and accept yourself for who you are. don’t buy those magazines that fill your head with unrealistic images, watch shows that give you unrealistic ideas, or play around with your diet because of the latest trend! If you are still struggling with eating issues...please get help! Take care of yourself. Do the things you love. Spend time with friends and family. Those are the things in life that matter!!

Happy Living!

Lee