What Defines You?

I was with a group of women yesterday leading a discussion on body image. We had such great conversations, but the one thing that kept coming up in our discussion (that comes up all the time!) is the pervasive idea that once we achieve our ideal weight or our ideal 'look', then we will be happy and complete and fulfilled. I think this is certainly a deception and a myth that our culture and the media sell us and encourage us to believe about ourselves. Have you ever thought that being your ideal weight/size/appearance would make you happy??

I am sure that we all have had thoughts like this at one point or another, but I fear that others of us have such thoughts most of the time. Yesterday, I talked with these women about how they define themselves, and where their self-worth and value comes from. One of the women said that her worth most certainly comes from the number that she sees on the scale each day. She said that she wished it weren't that way, but culturally that is what has been communicated as important, so she feels that the number that she sees each day on the scale is what makes her valuable and worthwhile. That made me so sad because we really are SO much more than our weight, our size, our bodies, our looks. We are too interesting, too complex, too great to be contained or defined by those things; we do ourselves such an injustice when we define ourselves and limit ourselves in these ways.

One thing that I encouraged these women to do, which I challenge myself and all of you to do as well, is to think about the people in your life that mean the most to you- whether it is family, a marriage partner or relationship, friends, or all of the above. When you think of the people that mean the most to you, consider what comes to mind. I doubt it is someone's weight or size. When you think of the people in your life that you love, you think of qualities that make them unique to who they are, or personality traits, or even experiences, memories, laughs and sorrows that have been shared between you.

At the risk of sounding cliche, I think it is important for us to focus our energy on developing character and inner beauty, and a sense of value and purpose which far outweigh our physical bodies. I believe that by simply being alive we have an innate sense of worth! We were created uniquely and wonderfully. It's not that wearing make-up, getting dressed up, or caring what we look like is bad- because it definitely isn't!!! But I think we sell ourselves short when we assume that if we could reach our 'ideal' weight, then our lives would be complete and we would finally be content. If you're not happy now, what makes you think you will be happy 5 pounds from now? This pathway of thinking is so deceptive and so destructive. When we base our worth and our value on things that change (cultural standard of beauty, what others think, etc), our happiness and peace of mind are never secure. That is no way to live! It is important to be rooted and grounded- whether that means finding your sense of worth and value in your faith, or finding it elsewhere, this is something worth meditating on and considering. After all, we only have one life to live, and being content and at peace is a much better way to go through life! It's also much better to go through life loving who you are and being able to appreciate the beauty you possess instead of wishing that you looked like someone else or were different than you are! We were all made beautiful- so let's work on being aware of that beauty and celebrating it in each other and ourselves.

Teenage Girls and Body Image: A Lesson For All of Us

According to a new study published in the March issue of the Journal of Health and Social Behavior (2010), teenage girls tend to compare their bodies more to their peers (who appear to be more similar to themselves) than they do to celebrities in the media (who appear to be in a 'different league'). An article published recently by Nancy Tracy on this very subject points to the Social Comparison Theory, a psychological theory which holds that more often than not people tend to compare themselves more to people who are similar to themselves than to those who seem to be inferior or superior. So- for example, rather than comparing your cooking skills to someone who is featured on the Food Network, maybe you compare your cooking skills to those of your neighbor, sister, friend, cousin, etc. And the analogy follows with anything- your looks, your athletic ability, your body, etc. Anyways, what they found was that in schools where the average BMI (body mass index) was higher, girls felt less pressure to diet and be thin, whereas in schools where the average BMI was lower, girls felt increased pressure to be thinner.


I think that the results of this study are powerful in that they affirm what we might already know and experience about what happens when we make comparisons about ourselves to others- which is that often, we feel that we need to be something other than what we are. We feel like we don't measure up to those around us, or that we are just not as good as so-and-so. Teenage girls might compare themselves to their peers more than they do to celebrities, but who knows what the statistics look like for adults (who probably compare themselves equally to their peers and celebrities). I think the media still shapes and influences our standards of beauty in a way that we may never fully comprehend, but I think the act of comparing ourselves to others is an important thing to step back and evaluate.


Someone very wise once told me that "comparison is the thief of all joy" and that has stuck with me ever since-- it is so true! That phrase often comes to mind because we are conditioned to look around us to see where we fit in the pecking order, and usually the act of comparing ourselves to others leads to feelings of inferiority, insecurity, anxiety, frustration, discontentment, and so on. Whenever we compare ourselves to others, we don't usually feel better about ourselves- we feel worse! And on the rare occasion that we do feel better, the sense of confidence we gain from that is false and empty. One quote (by Max Ehrmann) that I love which speaks to this: “If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.” We all at times are so busy worrying about how we measure up that we lose out on being ourselves, and we aren't able to enjoy who God made us to be. Another one of my favorite quotes is by Judy Garland- she said, "Be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else." I think she had it right! We are the only ones who can be the best at being us- so let's focus on that!! We all have strengths, talents and interests that make us unique and when we aren't able to see those for what they are, we miss out! The next time you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else, stop and consider your God-given strengths, abilities and beauty. The idea is not to become vain or to become self-absorbed; however, it is important that we strive to see ourselves for who we are, rather than viewing ourselves through a filter that is designed to categorize and classify our worth based on another.






*On a side note, one other thing worth pointing out from Tracy's article is the following: "Perhaps one exception to the rule of teenage girls comparing themselves to their peers is teenage girls with low self-esteem, a subgroup that often develops eating disorders. These teenage girls tend to compare themselves upward instead of to their peers, a possible subconscious attempt to preserve their negative self-image by comparing themselves to a less attainable ideal." Just an interesting sub-point that I will come back to in another post that highlights the perfectionistic nature that tends to pervade those who suffer from eating disorders. And just for the record, how many teenagers out there don't suffer from negative self-image? That is a post for another day... To read Tracy's article in full, follow this link.

Plus-Size Models Don't Promote Positive Body Image??

The other day, I was reading The State Press-- Arizona State University's daily campus publication. To be honest, I rarely ever read it, but every so often I like to check in and see what it is going on around campus (it’s been almost two years since I graduated from my graduate program there!). Anyways, I came across a pretty interesting article on body image and marketing that I have been trying to make sense of!

One of the principle researchers in the study, Naomi Mandel, is an associate professor of marketing at ASU, and she partnered with two other professors from universities across the country to examine how advertisements (and the models used in them) impact women’s body image and self-esteem. They wanted to determine if using plus-size models and women of all sizes to sell products in ads promoted positive body image in women. What they found was that ‘plus-size models don’t promote positive body image for consumers.’ To read the entire article and to read more about their study, follow this link.

After reading this article, I was sort of confused because I was wondering if the researchers expected a different outcome? Let me explain. I know that we all hope (me included) that seeing women that are a range of sizes will contribute to us having a better and more healthy body image, and I really DO believe that it can and does help (in spite of these findings)-- but I also think that more than anything, our culture’s narrow definition of beauty is what really challenges us the most, and ultimately influences the context in which we view ourselves and others. Anyways, their study (as far as I’m aware) seems not to take this very important component into consideration, which is essential because the way in which we define beauty culturally impacts the way that we see and interpret what is beautiful (maybe they need a social scientist to join their research team!). I almost laughed this morning when I came across an opinion piece on the Huffington Post-- the title alone screamed at me in regards to this very issue- “Why Media Literacy Alone Won’t Make Women Love Their Bodies.” Follow this link to check it out. The premise of the article is based on a study done amongst Girl Scouts- and what they found was that while girls and women are able to critically observe models and unhealthy images that we see in the media, we still want to pursue unhealthy means to achieve this ideal standard of beauty that exists culturally. Here is a snippet that sums up it up, and sums up my thoughts about the ASU study as well..

The young women in the Girl Scouts study are media literate. They view the images they see in magazines and on television with critical eyes. They know full well that what they see presented as beautiful is all but impossible to achieve. They even suspect, rightly, that some of the women they're seeing are sick. And yet, they still think those women are beautiful, and they still want to look like them.

 What's clear then, is that changing how we see fashion models is only half the battle. That so large a proportion of the women surveyed in the Girl Scouts study were media literate, and were able to view fashion critically, represents enormous progress. But until we change what's considered beautiful in our culture, until we broaden the definition of female beauty to encompass more than 2% of the population, young women will continue to emulate the current ideal, even as they know it to be unrealistic and unhealthy. The other equally important half of the battle, though, is to change how we see beauty, to expand the definition beyond young, white and painfully thin. If we can do that, we can create a world in which young women who want to be considered beautiful by media standards, who want, like all teenagers, to be accepted and liked, don't feel the need to starve themselves in order to do so.

This is obviously a huge challenge and task- and as we all know, cultural change does not happen over night. Starting small is essential- one small way that you can participate is to take part in Operation Beautiful. For more information on Operation Beautiful, follow this link.

20 Ways to Love Your Body

I have been preparing for a presentation on eating disorders that I will be giving tomorrow at a local high school, so I have been scouring the NEDA website looking for cool ideas, stats and other things to make my presentation non-boring to high school students (who are probably going to think I'm old and boring anyways- JK!!). Anyways, while I was scanning some of NEDA's resources online, I came across a list of '20 Ways to Love Your Body' compiled by Margo Maine, PhD that I thought some of you might enjoy reading! I am just going to copy and paste it below (with my additions in italics:)), or, you can also follow this link and check it out on NEDA's site.

20 Ways to Love Your Body by Margo Maine

1. Think of your body as the vehicle to your dreams. Honor it. Respect it. Fuel it.

2. Create a list of all the things your body lets you do. Read it and add to it often.

3. Become aware of what your body can do each day. Remember it is the instrument of your life, not just an ornament.

4. Create a list of people you admire: people who have contributed to your life, your community, or the world. Consider whether their appearance was important to their success and accomplishments.

5. Walk with your head held high, supported by confidence in yourself as a person [who is made by God and created beautifully!].

6. Don't let your weight or shape keep you from activities that you enjoy.

7. Wear comfortable clothes that you like, that express your personal style, and that feel good to your body.

8. Count your blessings, not your blemishes.

9. Think about all the things you could accomplish with the time and energy you currently spend worrying about your body and appearance. Try one!

10. Be your body's friend and supporter, not its enemy.

11. Consider this: your skin replaces itself once a month, your stomach lining every five days, your liver ever six weeks, and your skeleton every three months. Your body is extraordinary--begin to respect and appreciate it.

12. Every morning when you wake up, thank your body for resting and rejuvenating itself so you can enjoy the day.

13. Every evening when you go to bed, tell your body how much you appreciate what it has allowed you to do throughout the day.

14. Find a method of exercise that you enjoy and do it regularly. Don't exercise to lose weight (or punish yourself because of what you have eaten) or to fight your body. Do it to make your body healthy and strong and because it makes you feel good. Exercise for the three F's: fun, fitness, and friendship.

15. Think back to a time when you felt good about your body. Tell yourself you can feel like that again, even in this body at this age.

16. Keep a list of 10 positive things about yourself (and look at it!)--without mentioning your appearance. Add to it!

17. Put a sign on each of your mirrors saying, "I'm beautiful inside and out."

18. Choose to find the beauty in the world and in yourself (because it is all around).

19. Start saying to yourself, "Life is too short to waste my time hating my body this way."

20. Eat when you are hungry. Rest when you are tired. Surround yourself with people that remind you of your inner strength and beauty.

Some of these may resonate with you more than others- I really appreciated number 4 and number 8. Gratitude is SO important; being thankful and having perspective can go a long way. Hopefully this list provides you with a few things to think about and some helpful pointers to start appreciating and loving your body! :)

Happy Independence Day!!

July 4th is one of my favorite holidays- I LOVE summer, fireworks, watermelon, and sunny days at the beach. I fully realize, however, that today is March 13 and we are not rapidly approaching July 4th at this point. Why do I even bring up July 4th?? Well, it is the day when we typically celebrate 'independence.' But I started thinking recently that while we celebrate independence collectively as a nation, it is not as common that we individually celebrate our personal independence from struggles or things that have held us back in the past-- or perhaps even from things that we are currently struggling with still that are holding us back. I'm not necessarily talking about making a big public declaration, or throwing a big party to celebrate your independence (if that is what you want to do though, go for it! haha). But personally acknowledging and having a fixed time set aside that exists to remind you and reflect on such a decision can provide great meaning and purpose. I have heard, as I'm sure many of you have, of people marking their days of sobriety- and that is surely a form of commemorating a momentous decision to turn from alcohol or another substance. While (like I said) I am not necessarily suggesting we release fireworks to mark our independence from something, I think that acknowledging the surrender that takes place with such a decision is important and worth remembering and reflecting on.

My intention in writing this post about independence, as weird as it might sound, is to encourage you to consider having an independence day for yourself. What exactly do I mean by this? Well, I think that we all go through things in our lives. I write a lot about body image and eating disorders, but there are certainly other struggles that exist out there as well that you may face!! Whether it is an eating disorder or body image issue, an unhealthy relationship that you find yourself struggling to get out of, an unhealthy habit that seems to control you, dependence on alcohol or an illicit substance, or something else, I think it is SO important to commemorate your decision to turn from whatever it is that is holding you back and is keeping you from being FREE so that you are able to use it as a means of pushing ahead. Of course, we don't all have a specific date or a specific time to commemorate moments like these and that is okay- because turning from an unhealthy behavior or a way of thinking can be a gradual process. The point is that having a specific date isn't necessary. What seems important (to me) is the heart behind this, which is that we are acknowledging a surrender of our will and are choosing to move forward from a certain point on. Surrender does not mean that we don't slip and sometimes fall back into old ways of thinking or acting- but surrender keeps us moving forward as we look ahead to a goal or a way of life that we strive to maintain.

Do you find that you stare at yourself in every reflection, mirror, store window, etc that you walk past, obsessively checking yourself out to make sure you look ok?? Do you feel like you need someone else (a friend, a boyfriend, a husband, a parent, your child, etc) to validate your worth?? Do you feel like you need to be a certain size or weight to be happy?? Do you feel that you need a certain food/drink/drug to feel alive or satisfied?? Are you constantly doubting yourself or being critical of yourself?? Any way of thinking or acting that keeps you from being free is a way of thinking or acting that is not only not helpful for you but serves to keep you in bondage. To start by simply acknowledging and becoming aware of such captivity is the first step. Making a decision to 'be free' is not as easy as it sounds, and requires diligence, faith and hard work!! For some of us, we need more support to experience freedom- whether that is with the help of a friend, a pastor, or a counselor, to walk through that process with.

I would encourage you to consider if anything (person, place, thing) is holding you back in your life and what may be keeping you from becoming the person you were created to be. There is no better way to live than in freedom!! Walter Conkrite said that "there is no such thing as a little freedom. Either you are all free, or you are not free." Sounds pretty obvious, right? Well, if that is the case... and if there is anything that is keeping you from being 'all free' than I would challenge you to take an action step forward- no matter how big or small.

**As an aside, I want to be clear that if you have an eating disorder, simply stating freedom from your ED does not usually make it go away-- and this is not what I am suggesting will happen if you declare a fight against your ED. An eating disorder is a mental illness, and as such, cannot just be wished away. However, your will in fighting your ED is soo important. Maybe your declaration of independence from your ED begins with pursuing professional help, or seeking the level of care that is appropriate and advised for you by a health professional. Or perhaps it means being committed to the recovery process. Whatever this action step may look like, I want to make sure that I am clear on this point! :)